Thursday, April 20, 2006

I do...oh no, we can't

I never, ever thought I would get married.

I have argued passionately against it in the past (while at same time accepting, to each her own). Lately though the debate about whether or not we can marry has captured my attention more personally.

It started a couple of months ago when Thomas said "I wish you and mum would get married... oh no you can't...unless you go to London".

A then six year old couldn't quite understand it, but accepted that was just the way it is.

I have had many conversations with friends and acquaintances about why they married.

Consistently, they talk about how permanence means they solve the problems in their relationships, even when they seem almost unsolvable, because there is not an out-clause. They have committed to each other, to be together, period.

I think my views about marriage were based on the belief that partnering for life is a myth, somewhat old-fashioned and certainly not very gay. Yet most of my significant people (gay and straight) have successfully partnered life-long.

I know Clare believes in life-long love and I have been challenged by this in the time we have been together. Not because I don't think I will love her forever, but more because philosophically I like the concept of staying together for as long as it feels right.

I'm not sure if it is conversations with Clare, my impending middle-age, influences of others, public debate of the issue or a combination of all of these but I find myself attracted to the concept of marriage.

I don't want to say to Thomas, "that's right darling, we can't get married".

So I have asked the lovely Clare if she would like to get married and she has said yes. And now we wait for the laws to catch up.

The only issue then is who to invite.

Clare and I both shiver... but I guess that's an issue everyone faces


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