And then there were 4

Two were transferred into Gaye today at lunch time.

One is in the freezer and one might just make it to get frozen tommorrow.

And there it is ....

keep growing now

This morning the news is good.

Gaye's bleed seems to be settling down all by itself and although she is a bit sore she is in good spirits and slept well through the night.

All 11 little embryos are growing, with 6 looking really good. We are taking them to blastocyst so have to wait until Monday to know for sure.

We go to the doctor again today around 12 who will advise us on if we should go ahead with this cycle or freeze those that get to blastocyst.

16, 14, a trip to the hospital and 11

By late yesterday we had heard that 14 had been deemed okay for insemination.

I went and told Gaye as she lay in the bath with pretty rough post-op cramps and pain in her belly. We spent the afternoon watching Brokeback Mountain and the day went on, the pain got worse and at 7:00pm I rang the clinic to get some advice. They said she should keep doing what we were doing (heat packs, Panadol, fluids) but if the pain got unbearable we should go to the hospital.

I made her eat one of Thomas' glucosey iceblocks, and she tried to watch another dvd. The pain continued to get worse and worse and 10pm found us driving down the highway to the not-so near hospital (because we had done the procedure next door and that is what the clinic told us to do) with Gaye crying and moaning in pain.

We negotiated the thing that is the NSW Health System and we spent most of the night in an emergency with her on morphine and them trying to work out if she would need surgery to repair a tear that had obviously occurred during the retrieval. It was awful to see her in such pain.

This morning it all seems to be improving - we found out that 11 little eggs have taken to being inseminated. Yay! And it seems like Gaye’s tear will repair itself. She is still in reasonable amount of pain but at home now.

We will find out tomorrow if we should continue with the cycle or freeze the little ones, but hopefully her system should be OK and the wee ones (we call them the kids in boarding school) will hopefully grow into lovely blastocysts to implant on Monday or freeze for next month.

Eggs collection

16 eggs! Two more than predicted on the scan. Gaye is dozing in the next room on the lounge post general. Wish those little eggs well on the next part of their journey.

Wednesday, D-Day, The Day (well the one before all the other Days to come!)

That is tomorrow, that is the day, the day those eggs (there is 8 on one side and 6 on the other) come out to meet their donor sperm from some nice software engineer from another place in the world. We go in to the hospital at 7:30 in the morning, we will be home in the afternoon and by tomorrow night we will know if these little eggs will live to be inseminated successfully. (Gaye’s eggs haven’t got that that far before).

It has all come on much earlier than expected and Gaye has had to ‘fess up at work to get the day off as she was meant to be flying interstate with her boss for a meeting tonight and staying all day tomorrow. So now most people in our lives know (which is completely against plan A of keeping it to ourselves but there you go).

I don’t know how to be (scared, excited, hopeful, worried) so I am trying to be calm and supportive and sensible!

is that a big tooth or a little one

Our lovely boy is just one of those kids. One of those kids who have accidents. He is INTO things and brave with his body so accidents seem to 'just happen' He had a fall when he was very small and at childcare and ended up having two general's to deal with the sewing of the wound up and has a scar on the bridge of his nose still. I am a bit of stickler for wearing helmets and the like when on bikes and scooters. I like shoes on feet when you playing with these items also! But really it doesn't matter that much how careful you are - there is always the teeth to get damaged!

Last year there was a horrible incident at school where a soccer was being played and Thomas had his school hat on which has a string that goes under your chin (it is an Australian thing the hat with the string I think) and was sucking it and another child pulled on the string while they were in the game and one of Thomas' teeth was pulled out. It wasn't loose (ouch!) but it was a baby one. Yesterday I got a call from my Mum to say he had been on the three wheeled scooter that I left at their place and he had fallen off. This time he has chipped a front tooth and it is a big one! A grown up one - one that will be there for the rest of his life (with any luck!).

Gawd! He is only 7 and he already has a chipped tooth.

in sickness and in health

Thomas has headed off on a two-sleep stay away with his Dad at his Grandfather’s. He does this once or twice a year. His Dad’s family lives in the same city as mine and while he is down there, plays with his cousins (my niece and nephew) who he loves loves loves are always in the plan.

He was excited this morning to be heading off. And although I always feel weird that he is 3 hours drive away from me – it is easy to get carried along with his excitement. Thou I miss him terribly when he is away – I know he has fun and that it is great that he has lots of people in his life who love him and who are part of his life and who he is.

He loves the ritual off it as he does with all of his Grandparents – he has spent lots of time with them all as he has grown up and has clear expectations of events ‘xx will have chocolate icecream in the fridge’ ‘we will collect shells with yy’ ‘zz and I will go out on the boat and fish’ ‘we will walk the dog” etc etc. These are things he can count on.

I realised this week how much we have talked about and framed his life in ritual – including telling him how many ‘sleeps’ he will be somewhere or one of us will.

Gaye has been a regular traveller in his life going away for work or last year on a holiday with her mum and nephew.

He was really upset when we took her to the airport on Sunday to fly down to see her Dad. Some of this was due to the fact that he had been expecting to go away too, some of it was because she was obviously worried about her Dad – he is old and aware enough to know that sickness can be scary or sad or worrying – but mostly it seemed to me he was upset because we couldn’t tell him exactly how many sleeps she would be away for.

When we woke on Sunday morning the phone rang and I asked him to bring it straight to us – I explained that Gaye’s dad was sick with a heart problem ‘a bit like Grandpa had’, he lay his head down on my chest and said ‘oh no, will he be alright? Will he die?’ I said that it seemed like it would be okay and that he might have to have an operation like Grandpa. And we went over what had happened with Grandpa and how his ‘heart was broken but the drs fixed it’ and that “Grandpa is as young as a teenager now, but he gets a bit tired’

I told him that when someone’s dad was sick it was nice to tell the person that you were sorry that they were sick.

A bit later when I was having a shower he lay on the bed with Gaye and told her he was ‘very sorry her dad was sick and not to worry because they would give him the heart operation and then he could have a another one if that didn’t work and then he could have the cancer operation’

He was cheery enough when Gaye got out of the car, but got very teary after she left (fortunately she saw us sitting in the car and talking and came back and had another cuddle with him and they both had a little cry together which offcourse meant I got teary too) and later he talked to me about how he didn’t like her being away.

I reminded him that he was going away this week to Canberra and so would be away for two sleeps himself and that Gaye would be back by the weekend or we would go down to see her – but he assured me this was completely different!

Later we picked up her 16 year old nephew (Lee) from the plane and brought him home for dinner before putting him on another plane and I was really touched with how he tried to comfort Lee – telling him that his grandfather had had the operation and was now really good but a bit tired and putting on a funny dvd to make him happy.

Over the weekend we have had lots of conversations about Gaye’s Dad – he has drawn him a picture of a golf course with him getting a good shot on it – and when he will get better and the like. I have been able to tell him exactly when she will get home and assure him we will visit her Dad soon. It has been more than interesting and pretty heart-warming to see him process it all.

timing

It is so weird timing of things. Gaye started on the lucrin last week and was booked in for Monday to have the scan and blood test.

We were meant to spend the weekend with her folks who live in Victoria and take them, her visiting nephew and Thomas to Philip Island to see the penguins come out of the water at sunset.

Gaye had the week of work to get started on finishing her Masters and spend some of the school holidays with Thomas.

Late last week Gaye caught some bug and couldn't be very far from the loo so a flight was out of the question. We put off our trip by a week and planned to meet her nephew as he flew north back to his folks and bring him home for dinner between flights.

On Saturday night Gaye's mum rang and said her Dad had a heart attack and after flustering around and ringing clinics and worrying about her Dad in the end Gaye flew to Melbourne on Sunday, she is having her scan there and will be back on Friday to start the next phase of drugs. Her Dad had surgery yesterday and had one of those shunt thingos put in and seems to be in amazingly good form and going home tomorrow.

In the middle of this we had brunch with my gorgeous sister Lou, who turned 35 this weekend and whose partner broke up with her ‘6 weeks and 6 days’ before hand.

All of this has made me think of timing and how little control we have over things really.

If we had gone down as planned this weekend – would we have spotted her Dad’s illness earlier (he has been hiding his pain) and made him get help or would we have been half way to Philip Island and things made much worse by a long trip to the hospital. Understandably Gaye was upset and worried about her Dad. And said a number of times that she wasn’t ready yet to lose him.

My sister has been waiting for her fella to be ‘ready’ to settle and have kids, she loves him dearly and wanted to give him time – but had definitely set a timeframe in her head a number of years ago (when previously single) that if she was single/childless at 35 she was just going to try and do it on her own. She thought/hoped that they were working towards that aim and instead finds herself at 35 single and heartbroken (but I must say also strong, amazing and resilient).

Gaye and I have “waited” for all sorts of reasons before “trying” for a baby together. And now we are trying and we are in a good place together to do that, but it occurs to me that this is indeed our future – young child/ren who need us close by and parents who are ageing and also need us to support and care for them.

One of the ‘timing’ issues we talk about is my mother. Coming out to my mother was undertaken at the ‘right time’ (turned out not to be so right but there you go), putting pressure on her to accept our relationship was undertaken after ‘time’ for her to get used to things. And we have talked about if if if we are lucky enough for Gaye to have a baby when we would tell her (early give her lots of time? Later give her little time?). But I think this weekend I have realised that no time is going to be the right time for her.

I talked to my folks about Gaye’s Dad – and my Dad was gorgeous and concerned for her. But my mother continued down her path of resistance or denial or whatever it is and ‘hmmed’ and ‘how awfuled’ on the phone and then moved the conversation on. Today she has sent me an email asking about cooking tips – without even asking how Gaye’s Dad is and I am outraged but also a bit defeated.

No amount of time I think will make much difference to her – and I think I am just like her – cause I do wonder how much time it will take to make a difference to the disappointment I feel in her. Sometimes I miss her so much.

Really there is no right time perhaps, but it is weird - timing.

whipped

I have blogged often before about Thomas having a competitive nature - wanting to win at soccer and just about everything else. He has really started to learn in the last few months about losing in a graceful manner - of having fun with the game or competition and accepting the outcome and if the situation calls for it learning from it.

One of the ways we have been working on this is by playing lots of board and card games with him. Sometimes he wins/sometimes we win. To start with there would be tears and calls of unfairness whenever he lost but he has learnt to take it on board pretty much now and simply calls for a re-match. He does however continue to revel in his wins.

This week he played a bit of Monopoly with my folks. My folks were here to care for him during the school holidays for a day at my request. This was definitely part of my action plan of being as 'normal' as possible with my Mum and apart from the fact that it is all a bit strained it did go pretty well this weekend.

We only bought Monopoly (for some reason Thomas calls it Monocoly) about a month ago (I was trying to escape the endless games of Uno!). It is a good game (aside from the whole capitalist thing I guess!) it has counting and money and there is a lot to read - cards and squares.

To start with, ofcourse, we took it pretty easy on him - giving him extra chances and not enforcing all the rules. But over the month, Thomas has got really really good at Monopoly. He will play with whoever comes over or is willing and for hours if given the opportunity. (I would worry about the whole capitalist thing except it was just the same with Uno!) He often plays with my sister Aunty Lou - who is a very regular visitor to our home and a constant in Thomas' life.

Anyway, one day when Lou and I were playing with him we were telling him about how we used to play as kids as how our Dad used to 'whip the pants off us' all the time and how we would cry - as soon as he got a hotel on Mayfair it was all over. Thomas was thrilled at this story - he loves to hear about when we were unreasonable or naughty as children. He kept on talking about how the next time Papa came he was going to play him too.

Papa came up last month - but there wasn't much time for a game. But this weekend both my parents were here and he played them individually and together. He was completely thrilled to 'whip' Papa and has been declaring himself the best player in the family. My folks admitted in the first round they had 'given' him a real go - however from then on they played their best and he still beat them. (Apparently he was down to $1 and all mortgaged up at one point in the game but completely held is cool). He was beating his Dad fair and square when I met them for lunch yesterday too - so perhaps his strategies are pretty comprehensive.

Some of my lovely memories are playing board games and card games with my family. On camping trips and at home on winter weekends. As an adult I can see why - the whole family stops to play a game, which in itself is fun, and plays together.

And I find myself here at work - looking forward to tonight’s after dinner game myself!

And here we are

With a jab this morning - Gaye got us - back on the TTC pathway. (cross your fingers for us)

With an offer this morning - we are back on the buying a better place to live highway (cross your toes for us)

With a walk through Uni this morning - Gaye popped herself back on the road to finishing her masters.

With a smile and joke this morning we left young Thomas with my parents for the day, after a weekend vist with lots of beautifully cooked food and not tooo strained conversation - hopefully on the way to better and accepting parental relationships (that said she don't know about item 1 and is completely freaked out by item 2 so things may all come tumbling down).

But here we are Gaye and me - here we are...