Thomas’ latest

We are all not all that well.

Al has his first cold (not a milestone you prefer your baby to meet at 6 weeks), Thomas has is first cough for the season (so I guess that would make it about his 21st or 22nd cold in his life) and I have joined in for good measure, Gaye has her period. How unfair is that – fully breastfed baby at 6 weeks old and getting your period only a couple of weeks after the postnatal bleeding stops.

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But while I remember I want to record Thomas’ latest incorrect and correct use of words and terms:

‘In true life' This is used as a question as in ‘is that in true life mum?’ and as a statement ‘in true life he won it’

Perpends which is a mispronunciation of depends but is used in trying to get something done ‘does it perpend mum?’ or ‘ it perpends how I think of it later”

Unlikely “I might be the tallest man in the world when I grow up Mum don’t you think?” “hmmm I doubt it darling” “I am already as tall as eleven Mum, its unlikely but I could be in the Guinness book of records for being the tallest, its unlikely but I could”

Hairstory

This is a very important post. I can't decide if I should get my hair cut or not and I need help.

There is history (hairstory?) so let me fill you in before you help me make this decision.

For most of my life I have had short hair, the last time I had really long hair was when I was 21 and it was very long and the natural curl in it was - um - 'enhanced' by a perm. Sometime after 21 and before 22 I cut it short. It has been short all of the time since then. Sometimes down to my ears but mainly very very short.

Gaye also has very very short hair and did when I met her. And although this shouldn't concern me a bit that we have similar (they aren't the same but people do tend to lump short hair cuts in together) hair but on some level it does. The lesbian urge to merge thing I think.

Still it wasn't enough to inspire me to do anything with my hair until about a year ago when I suddenly thought - I am thirty-seven if I don't grow my hair one more time before I get grey and one of those funky short grey haircuts are the go I will regret it. So I started growing it. Plus someone in my street confused Gaye and I and I thought I want to make a distinction. OK plus Alice on the L Word was wearing pigtails and I thought I want some of those!

I decided not to be to tough on myself and so had plenty of haircuts along the way trying to avoid as much as possible the difficult bits, but it was still pretty trying. Anyway it is long now. And although I have been saying this for about six months and it hasn't actually been true, it is now true that I have hair that people would describe as long. As in 'she is the one with long red curly hair.'

Here is the thing thou:

1. I am actually not sure that it suits me long
2. I don't know how to 'do' things with long hair and feel self conscious when I do things like pigtails
3. I am not feeling all that good about myself (hence returning somewhat to WW recently - gawd now I have put that on the blog I will actually have to keep going) and wonder is it because my hair doesn't feel like me.
4. The upkeep is much more intense than short hair, well actually I do the same as I did (shower, towel dry, product, out the door) but the consistency of results are not the same!
   

So a couple of weeks ago I made an appointment to have it cut off. It is next week.

But now I am thinking maybe I should live with it a bit longer, (lose weight and then do it?) cause suddenly it isn't looking or feeling so bad.

What to do internets? What to do?

he

• has put on something like 1.5 kilos since birth
• is smiling regularly
• is holding his head well
• is confusing night and day sometimes taking his longest sleeps during the day
• still pooing and weeing like a trouper keeping the the washing machine going constantly
  
• has dreadful hormonal rash and crusty bits on his head that require regular attention
• has made such a place in our hearts and our family that at 5 weeks I can't remember for the life of me what our lives were like before he came
  

'Hold breath'

Thomas is a doting and kind brother. He is patient with him. And ready and willing to be of assistance with settling and bathing. He tells Al all the time that he is beautiful and not to cry. He gives him a snuggle regularly. He kisses him on the head to say good night. His interactions with Al regularly bring tears to my eyes. Al has smiled at Gaye lots and at me a few times, but his biggest and longest grins are reserved for Thomas. I am so glad Thomas has a sibling at last.

Thomas has also shown considerable care for his puppy - regularly commenting that "we need to make sure that Lightning knows we still love him even thou we are paying a lot of attention of the baby" and making sure to give the dog a pat after he has had a nurse of the baby.

He is also says very funny things at times.

Some of Thomas' comments on his brother:

• when Al had the hiccups one morning ' why doesn't he just hold his breath Gaye' 'he doesn't know how to do it darling' ' you should tell him to hold his breath' 'He wouldn't understand darling' 'oh yeah ...we would have to make it simple' thinks a moment turns to Al and says very slowly and clearly 'Hold ... breath ... Al"
• watching Al feed 'hey Gaye, don't you think it is funny that Al gets his milk from your privates?' "not really darling, all babies do, animals do too you know' he raises his eyebrows, face full of disbelief 'yeah right Gaye'
• on our way to a special assesembly at school 'Mum is Gaye coming today?" 'No darling she is having lunch in town today' ' Well what about Al' "No he is going with Gaye" "I hope he doesn't feel like he has missed out!"

Things in the last month

that have been weird for me are -

• the constant coming out when telling people at work and the like why you have been off work. I am patient! I pause to give them a moment to work it out after I say my partner has had a baby!
  
• turning up a school with Al to pick up/drop off Thomas and have people exclaim 'I didn't even notice you were pregnant' which made me realise that Thomas' 'interesting' family wasn't actually as part of the school gossip as I presumed
• people's reactions when Thomas tells them he is a big brother. A few have tried to argue him out of it, lucky he is 8 and very sure of the way of the world through his eyes

that have been 'annoying'

• the difficulty in finding a church in the local area that would baptise Al (because his parents are in a same-sex relationship). We live in a very diverse area with a large gay and lesbian community, but apparently the churches have not caught up/adapted. Gaye really wants to have him baptised and I have been determined to find a place for it happen, but it has been a more challenging process that I expected. I walked past one of the local churches the other morning with Thomas, Lightning and Al and saw the rector. It was all I could do not to walk up and introduce myself and the boys and say 'he is the one you said was not welcome at your church on the phone the other day' but in the interests of peace, goodwill and Thomas sense of his family I resisted. It was close thou.
• the number of women (mothers) who have told me how lucky Gaye is to have me to 'help' her. 1. She would be fabulous no matter who she was with 2. I am actually not breast feeding and so there is no reason a bloke can't do what I do 3. Aren't I meant to be parenting?
  
• the number of women (mothers) who have asked me if it is different to when I had Thomas (well duh!)

i had forgotten about small babies

• the washing! It isn't the load of nappies each day (although many people can not believe we are using cloth and ask about the washing of them) it is all the other stuff that just seems to get completely filthy - wraps, little suits, my clothes, Gaye's clothes, Thomas' clothes (well okay mine and Thomas were anyway), sheets - his and his and ours it just goes on and on.
• the way people come to 'visit' and sit and stay and eat biscuits and drink cups of tea that I make
• the amount of time that can be spent cooing, gooing and gaahing over your beautiful baby and 'gawd where has the day gone'
  

Press the pause button

Tomorrow Al is one month old. Gaye said the other night that she would just like to push the pause button and enjoy this bit a bit longer, which is how I have felt at every stage of Thomas' life, enjoying the current and his learning and growing, looking forward to the next bit but also sad to see each stage pass. It is the real wonder of being a parent I think.

He is completely lovely and we have had a terrific and joyful month full of family and friends and 'just us' time. He sleeps pretty well, has unsettled times and settled times. Likes his bath and to fall asleep on a chest. Gaye has been terrific and probably the calmest mother I have ever known, taking each challenge in her stride and enjoying her time with him.

I continue to be amazed at him. Babies are amazing of course and I knew I would love him because, if nothing else I love his mother so. But I am thrilled by and in wonder of how much he has taken my heart and how I can't imagine what life was already without him. It is very hard to leave for work in the mornings.

Thomas has taken to Al with a calm and considered passion that brings a tear both Gaye and I regularly. Climbing into bed each morning to give 'my brother' a snuggle and giving Al a small kiss as he snoozes in the pram each time he passes. Thomas has accepted all accolades for himself as big brother as his due but also allowed full and appropriate attention on Samuel. He is a kind and loving little boy. I am so proud of him.

Al has been to school for 'news' and to watch Thomas play soccer, he has had Grandparents, Uncles and Aunties to visit and this week caught a plane to see his Uncle and cousin in northern NSW.

We just love him