It is the last night in our old house tonight. This is significant for me because when I bought that house after my previous relationship broke down it was a huge step forward in accepting a new future. When Gaye moved in with Thomas and I it became our house and it is the place where we have carved out our family. Thomas had his first day of school from that house, Gaye has done most of her pregnancy in that house, we have had birthday’s Christmas’, weekend breakfasts, friends for dinner, parties, sick days and all sorts of everyday at that house. It has been my safety net and although I am really excited about the move, both Thomas and I are feeling the move away from the street and friends we have made and the place that was ours together.
It is kind of run down now (it was bought as a do-it-upper), and my sister, Aunty Lou is moving in and we are going to fix it up together.
Our new house is looking good – thou there is lots still to do (which includes my brother coming up to build the deck on the day that Gaye is due, bringing with him my niece and nephew who will be in on school holidays as will Thomas, and a bathroom vanity which turned up yesterday 20cm too wide and so unable to fit in the spot and about 100 other things) but it is looking good, there is more space and we can settle in with Thomas before the baby comes. We can get ready for this baby, who now finally seems really likely!
Tonight we are having friends for pizza among the boxes and tomorrow we move – hopefully taking our old friends with us and being open to all that is to come.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Monday, March 05, 2007
Not to worry
I have just driven the (very nice) plumber who was installing our loo to the emergency room. He has cut his hand quite badly.
This hasn’t even thrown me a bit despite or perhaps because today also includes a sick child, no leave/goodwill left at work to comfortably stay home and look after him, the project manager making Gaye cry this morning and that I was rear ended on my way to work.
Gaye’s bleed from a couple of weeks ago turns out to be a tear in the placenta – which we have to ‘be careful’ about. I’m unsure of what that means but we are trying to make sure she gets lots of rest and takes it easy. Olive-on-the-way does not seem to be in any strife, growing at a great pace and sounding very healthy on the monitor.
She is getting pretty big now and very tired. And it has been incredibly hot and humid here when it hasn’t been thundering, so her feet and hands are very swollen and sore. Her blood pressure is good thou and I think she looks just beautiful, but she is very fragile and teary. This is not at all like her and so she is home in bed with Thomas this afternoon watching dvd’s.
Did I mention that Gaye’s brother and father have spent the weekend painting at our place (her brother does it for a living) which they kindly offered to do after the project manager admitted that he has in fact spent much much more money than anticipated and so we have none left for painting or deck building (which thankfully my brother does for a living).
We have had to call in all favours from family and bring them from three different states across the country to get the work done. We will now move into a rather less finished house. We have been yelled at and hung-up on by the project manager who used to be our friend. I have taken over all communication with him to keep gaye out of it and so we can get the job over and I went where angels fear to tread this morning and rang his wife and said this can’t go on. She must have talked to him as he is all sweetness this afternoon.
You can understand why on Friday I cried about some dumb issue with the soccer team!
Today however I am taking it in my stride, not even thinking about the fact that I have let down work again, smiling at the bloke who ran into the back of me and saying ‘not to worry’ and running out of a meeting to take the plumber to the ER. There is just so much on that today you couldn’t phase me if you tried
This hasn’t even thrown me a bit despite or perhaps because today also includes a sick child, no leave/goodwill left at work to comfortably stay home and look after him, the project manager making Gaye cry this morning and that I was rear ended on my way to work.
Gaye’s bleed from a couple of weeks ago turns out to be a tear in the placenta – which we have to ‘be careful’ about. I’m unsure of what that means but we are trying to make sure she gets lots of rest and takes it easy. Olive-on-the-way does not seem to be in any strife, growing at a great pace and sounding very healthy on the monitor.
She is getting pretty big now and very tired. And it has been incredibly hot and humid here when it hasn’t been thundering, so her feet and hands are very swollen and sore. Her blood pressure is good thou and I think she looks just beautiful, but she is very fragile and teary. This is not at all like her and so she is home in bed with Thomas this afternoon watching dvd’s.
Did I mention that Gaye’s brother and father have spent the weekend painting at our place (her brother does it for a living) which they kindly offered to do after the project manager admitted that he has in fact spent much much more money than anticipated and so we have none left for painting or deck building (which thankfully my brother does for a living).
We have had to call in all favours from family and bring them from three different states across the country to get the work done. We will now move into a rather less finished house. We have been yelled at and hung-up on by the project manager who used to be our friend. I have taken over all communication with him to keep gaye out of it and so we can get the job over and I went where angels fear to tread this morning and rang his wife and said this can’t go on. She must have talked to him as he is all sweetness this afternoon.
You can understand why on Friday I cried about some dumb issue with the soccer team!
Today however I am taking it in my stride, not even thinking about the fact that I have let down work again, smiling at the bloke who ran into the back of me and saying ‘not to worry’ and running out of a meeting to take the plumber to the ER. There is just so much on that today you couldn’t phase me if you tried
Monday, February 26, 2007
The water catcher
The thing I love most about having an eight year old is the talks we have. I love that he stills hops into bed for a snuggle (I feel like I am on the count down there) and in lots of ways he is still such a little fella, but I reckon we have many a fabulous conversation ahead of us him and I.
This morning for example.
We have a bit of problem here in Sydney with water - as in there is not enough in the damn dam.
This issue is talked about obsessively but media and friends alike and so Thomas has a pretty good idea of the need to save and conserve water. I have tried to demonstrate proactively - we are putting in water tanks as part of our renovation, which will feed the loo and the washing machine, and we try to keep our baths (loved by Gaye and Thomas) and showers (loved by moi) to a respectable length.
It rained here a couple of weeks ago and there was much celebration as some of it actually fell into the catchment – a feat not seen for some years.
Thomas has been full of plans to collect water – lots of trucks following the clouds was the most recent.
So this morning as we drive to school, dropping Gaye off at the train and she (as she is working on election issues) was listening intently to the news on the radio. Once she got out he started chatting to me about the book he was reading and how much he was enjoying it – he offered to lend it to me when he was finished with it.
Then he asked, “So Mum did the catcher get it?”
“Sorry darling?”
“The rain last night, did the catcher get it?”
“Did it go into the catchment? Yes darling I think some of it did.”
“Why doesn’t it all go into the catcher?”
“Well the catchment is the area around the river that leads to the dam”
“Why do we want it in a river?”
“That is where it goes into the river and then into the dam and then into pipes and to us”
“Over one of the fountains?”
‘A waterfall? Yes the dam is made of concrete and steel and then the water goes over the dam in a bit waterfall”
“Is it working now”?
“Yes it works but there isn’t enough water.”
“Is this something I need to be worried about Mum? Cause we would die if there was no water.”
(Reassuring conversation about no need to worry and here is a few things we can do)
“I just don’t understand Mum, why don’t they get a wizard to help out with a spell for the water”
OR
“Mum does the government have a bank account”
“mmmm many”
“Does John Howard only have the pin number?”
OR
“Where do poos go?”
(Discussion about sewerage treatment including mention of chemicals)
“Oh so poos are good cause they put a potion in and then they make water and soil”
This morning for example.
We have a bit of problem here in Sydney with water - as in there is not enough in the damn dam.
This issue is talked about obsessively but media and friends alike and so Thomas has a pretty good idea of the need to save and conserve water. I have tried to demonstrate proactively - we are putting in water tanks as part of our renovation, which will feed the loo and the washing machine, and we try to keep our baths (loved by Gaye and Thomas) and showers (loved by moi) to a respectable length.
It rained here a couple of weeks ago and there was much celebration as some of it actually fell into the catchment – a feat not seen for some years.
Thomas has been full of plans to collect water – lots of trucks following the clouds was the most recent.
So this morning as we drive to school, dropping Gaye off at the train and she (as she is working on election issues) was listening intently to the news on the radio. Once she got out he started chatting to me about the book he was reading and how much he was enjoying it – he offered to lend it to me when he was finished with it.
Then he asked, “So Mum did the catcher get it?”
“Sorry darling?”
“The rain last night, did the catcher get it?”
“Did it go into the catchment? Yes darling I think some of it did.”
“Why doesn’t it all go into the catcher?”
“Well the catchment is the area around the river that leads to the dam”
“Why do we want it in a river?”
“That is where it goes into the river and then into the dam and then into pipes and to us”
“Over one of the fountains?”
‘A waterfall? Yes the dam is made of concrete and steel and then the water goes over the dam in a bit waterfall”
“Is it working now”?
“Yes it works but there isn’t enough water.”
“Is this something I need to be worried about Mum? Cause we would die if there was no water.”
(Reassuring conversation about no need to worry and here is a few things we can do)
“I just don’t understand Mum, why don’t they get a wizard to help out with a spell for the water”
OR
“Mum does the government have a bank account”
“mmmm many”
“Does John Howard only have the pin number?”
OR
“Where do poos go?”
(Discussion about sewerage treatment including mention of chemicals)
“Oh so poos are good cause they put a potion in and then they make water and soil”
Friday, February 16, 2007
steel shopping
Can I just say that I have got 3 replies back today after faxing 5 companies yesterday for quotes for my stainless steel benchtop for our new kitchen (yes I know they are expensive and I know the scratch but basically life is about scratching AND I have given up lots of things I really really wanted in renovating this kitchen and I am NOT giving this up) and the prices vary by more than $3,000.00. That is $3,000.00. At the bottom $2,700 and at the top $5,900.
Only one month now until we move in. The movers are booked, the boxes are coming.
Only one month now until we move in. The movers are booked, the boxes are coming.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Just a quick trip to the hospital
Gaye has spent a good part of the last two and half days in hospital. She woke up during the night with some bleeding so we went to hospital on Tuesday morning at the direction of the birth centre midwife. They have done every test under the sun and it seems as if the baby is doing just fine, he is in there safe and sound, good heartbeat and his ultra sound looked normal. All the dreadful things they listed as possible reasons for bleeding did not prove to be true on testing - but they haven't actually worked out what it is that made her bleed.
So they have sent her home, which is good because we missed her and who rests in hospital anyway, but still at home resting today. The doctor was stern and firm with her about taking things easy (which I have to say she had been anyway) and coming back in should the bleeding start again but otherwise thinking that it is okay.
We are talking very sensibly to each other about how it is all going to be okay - but I admit to an ongoing worried feeling that has me ringing home often to see how she is.
So they have sent her home, which is good because we missed her and who rests in hospital anyway, but still at home resting today. The doctor was stern and firm with her about taking things easy (which I have to say she had been anyway) and coming back in should the bleeding start again but otherwise thinking that it is okay.
We are talking very sensibly to each other about how it is all going to be okay - but I admit to an ongoing worried feeling that has me ringing home often to see how she is.
He is eight
I can't believe it. This time eight years ago I was moving from the birthing room to my room in the hospital amazed and stunned at him and myself.
Today I still look at him with amazement, he rode his new bike (a big boys bike with 21 gears and only handle breaks and big big wheels) with confidence, ordered his own breakfast at the cafe without any prompting, carried his cupcakes to share with his class in by himself and read all the cards attached to presents without any assistance. I am so proud of him sometimes I could burst.
Tonight Gaye is cooking pizza and I have made an orange cake, Aunty Sal is coming and we will have a small family celebration. On Saturday a party for 20 at the local bike path with friends, family, hot dogs and more cake.
Happy Birthday my darling darling boy
Today I still look at him with amazement, he rode his new bike (a big boys bike with 21 gears and only handle breaks and big big wheels) with confidence, ordered his own breakfast at the cafe without any prompting, carried his cupcakes to share with his class in by himself and read all the cards attached to presents without any assistance. I am so proud of him sometimes I could burst.
Tonight Gaye is cooking pizza and I have made an orange cake, Aunty Sal is coming and we will have a small family celebration. On Saturday a party for 20 at the local bike path with friends, family, hot dogs and more cake.
Happy Birthday my darling darling boy
Thursday, February 01, 2007
I haven’t blogged for awhile – I don’t know why – it isn’t like nothing is happening it all is...
Baby making
Gaye has only 11 weeks to go. Which seems amazing, it starts out feeling like nine months will stretch forever and then suddenly you are on the down ward run. She looks fabulous and all baby (she has such a classic pregnant tear drop belly). We are excited and starting to believe it just might be true.
Having lots of dilemmas about birthing partners or not and generally enjoying the last part of the ride.
Thomas
Has started back at school this week. He is taking being the top of the school very very seriously, and was concerned to invite even the boy who didn’t invite him to his party last year to Thomas’ this year – because ‘I don’t want him to feel like I did.’ He is looking forward to being a sports monitor and so far likes his teacher thou nothing is in stone as yet.
Renovating
Thomas and I went to the coast for a week (with Gaye, my sister and sister in law joining us on the weekend) camping during the last part of the holidays with my parents, brother and his children. The kids rode bikes, swam, played in tents, got filthy and generally had a fabulous time and there were plenty of opportunities for the adults to engage in like activities or read a book too. Thomas went from there for another week at the coast with his Granny, which involved fishing, boating and playing quite a lot of cricket.
When I came home I dropped into the house to see how it was all going and there was basically nothing there, the walls, ceilings and outside cladding were all gone. Although in theory I knew this would be the case – I was still stunned to see the actual thing. It seemed like our moving date of the 17 March was an impossibility and our budget was probably blown!
Today however it all looks much better, the walls are rejibed, the outside cladding to go up this weekend along with the plastering and so it feels like it all might actually come together.
Lightning
Is beautiful and cute and running our life basically. If only he would take me seriously when I tell him that pooing is an outside activity!
Baby making
Gaye has only 11 weeks to go. Which seems amazing, it starts out feeling like nine months will stretch forever and then suddenly you are on the down ward run. She looks fabulous and all baby (she has such a classic pregnant tear drop belly). We are excited and starting to believe it just might be true.
Having lots of dilemmas about birthing partners or not and generally enjoying the last part of the ride.
Thomas
Has started back at school this week. He is taking being the top of the school very very seriously, and was concerned to invite even the boy who didn’t invite him to his party last year to Thomas’ this year – because ‘I don’t want him to feel like I did.’ He is looking forward to being a sports monitor and so far likes his teacher thou nothing is in stone as yet.
Renovating
Thomas and I went to the coast for a week (with Gaye, my sister and sister in law joining us on the weekend) camping during the last part of the holidays with my parents, brother and his children. The kids rode bikes, swam, played in tents, got filthy and generally had a fabulous time and there were plenty of opportunities for the adults to engage in like activities or read a book too. Thomas went from there for another week at the coast with his Granny, which involved fishing, boating and playing quite a lot of cricket.
When I came home I dropped into the house to see how it was all going and there was basically nothing there, the walls, ceilings and outside cladding were all gone. Although in theory I knew this would be the case – I was still stunned to see the actual thing. It seemed like our moving date of the 17 March was an impossibility and our budget was probably blown!
Today however it all looks much better, the walls are rejibed, the outside cladding to go up this weekend along with the plastering and so it feels like it all might actually come together.
Lightning
Is beautiful and cute and running our life basically. If only he would take me seriously when I tell him that pooing is an outside activity!
Monday, January 08, 2007
Summer at last
Finally we have found summer in our household. Thomas is well again after 3 weeks of illness and we are spending our evenings in the front yard with him and Lightning, the sun goes down slowly this time of year and our evenings are a blissful event of a glass of red for me or soda in Gaye's case on grass that is amazingly green after all this much needed rain and a small boy bathed and pj'd playing with his puppy.
I am planning on making the most of this summer, and really trying to hold on to that feeling of things moving more slowly living in the moment a bit more (one of my New Year Resolutions)
Last night we went to watch Sydney FC do their thing. They lost against NZ, but Thomas is again inspired to become a famous soccer player and so spent this morning taking paint of my wall in the front yard with repetative kicking of the ball against it. He has promised me and Gaye tickets to all of his games wherever they are in the world. We have agreed we will be there.
We have made our annual plan with 5 points each. Here are mine:
I am planning on making the most of this summer, and really trying to hold on to that feeling of things moving more slowly living in the moment a bit more (one of my New Year Resolutions)
Last night we went to watch Sydney FC do their thing. They lost against NZ, but Thomas is again inspired to become a famous soccer player and so spent this morning taking paint of my wall in the front yard with repetative kicking of the ball against it. He has promised me and Gaye tickets to all of his games wherever they are in the world. We have agreed we will be there.
We have made our annual plan with 5 points each. Here are mine:
- Get fitter
- Remain (become?) Zen like in the face of rennovations and moving
- Learn to sing
- Be the best mum and partner I can be
- Try and live in the moment more and let the little things slide.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
“It is like a dream Mummy”
Last night when I tucked up Thomas in bed, he snuggled into me and told me that the whole day felt like ‘it is like a dream Mummy.’ How about that for a good start to the New Year! The reason for his enthusiasm? A 20 cm ball of black poodle fluff he has called Lightning. Joy, bliss and excitement as those two alternatively played and snuggled yesterday and this morning.
It has made the complete roller coaster of late night visits to hospitals, difficult situations with family, tantruming ex-partners and demanding visitors that was the 10 days around Christmas and New Years fade into a memory (that makes a pretty good story!).
Happy New Year my darling daring boy!
It has made the complete roller coaster of late night visits to hospitals, difficult situations with family, tantruming ex-partners and demanding visitors that was the 10 days around Christmas and New Years fade into a memory (that makes a pretty good story!).
Happy New Year my darling daring boy!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Christmas chaos
Truly the week has been pretty shocking so far... Thomas has got some dreadful virus and been up at 39 or 40 degrees for most of the week. He has settled into a bad cough now and is at home with his Dad today. Gaye dropped a tin of paint in the driveway of a pub (after just buying it) and the guy came out and took photos of the number-plate and threatened to call the police, which left her in tears and sobbing (she is SOOO pregnant) before a big meeting.
The bank have valued the new house at a very low price after the renovations (I’d like to see them buy a three bedroom home at that price in that area!) which means we have to scale back the job so we don’t end up paying mortgage insurance (this is probably a good thing as it means a smaller mortgage while Gaye is off work so we are okay with it, but Gaye just wanted to have it all done and off her plate). We will be able to have the house re-valued post renovation and then get the extra money anyway... But will leave it now until Gaye is back at work.
I brought the dishwasher from the new place around to our current place to have it installed (and paid $145.00 for the plumbing) only to find it won’t fit in – seriously I sat down on the kitchen floor and would have cried had it not been so ridiculous.
Gaye's dad decided to come up this weekend to do a bit of painting on the new house. We were thrilled that he wanted to paint… we just wouldn’t have chosen this exact week. He has done A LOT of talking (and swearing much to Thomas’ initial shock followed by fits of uncontrolled giggling each time it happened) and not all that much painting. But I think he has really enjoyed being up here He hasn’t done the only bit we really wanted to be done – but is planning to come up in January to finish up the job.
In amongst it all we have managed to keep up our Advent activities going (thou we gave the Carols a miss on Saturday night due to the temps) and Thomas and I have cooked shortbread, home made our Christmas crackers and told plenty of Christmas jokes.
The bank have valued the new house at a very low price after the renovations (I’d like to see them buy a three bedroom home at that price in that area!) which means we have to scale back the job so we don’t end up paying mortgage insurance (this is probably a good thing as it means a smaller mortgage while Gaye is off work so we are okay with it, but Gaye just wanted to have it all done and off her plate). We will be able to have the house re-valued post renovation and then get the extra money anyway... But will leave it now until Gaye is back at work.
I brought the dishwasher from the new place around to our current place to have it installed (and paid $145.00 for the plumbing) only to find it won’t fit in – seriously I sat down on the kitchen floor and would have cried had it not been so ridiculous.
Gaye's dad decided to come up this weekend to do a bit of painting on the new house. We were thrilled that he wanted to paint… we just wouldn’t have chosen this exact week. He has done A LOT of talking (and swearing much to Thomas’ initial shock followed by fits of uncontrolled giggling each time it happened) and not all that much painting. But I think he has really enjoyed being up here He hasn’t done the only bit we really wanted to be done – but is planning to come up in January to finish up the job.
In amongst it all we have managed to keep up our Advent activities going (thou we gave the Carols a miss on Saturday night due to the temps) and Thomas and I have cooked shortbread, home made our Christmas crackers and told plenty of Christmas jokes.
Our Christmas Letter
Gaye has always been a big one for the Christmas letter. I have always avoided it. This year we did one together. Here is 'tis without the photos ....
Hello
We have had a really busy happy year, with lots change and more to come in the next year.
After 10 months of looking we have finally found our new home. Recognising how bad the average renovators taste is (or maybe they have the good taste?) we stopped looking for a completely renovated place and bought our own renovators delight. We are currently in the process of designing and understanding (well trying to) builders quotes, kitchen designers, distinguishing between different white tiles and the intricacy of recycled water. The house is in a great street, close to everything that is vital to our day-to-day lives and we are really looking forward to moving and having more space in late March next year.
Clare is no longer preventing violence against women, but has moved to greener and somewhat saner pastures at the University. It is a new position with lots of autonomy and so she is enjoying moulding into something good and working out the idiosyncrasies of campus bureaucracy. It seems a bit like a fiefdom at this point, with separate entrances for staff and dignitaries at the recent Vice Chancellors Christmas do!
Gaye has continued to thrive on the thrills and spills of her role and is looking forward to having this particular view of the election process in March.
Not only did Thomas continue do very well at soccer this year, scoring lots of goals complete with the essential victory lap with his shirt over his head, Clare became an honest to goodness soccer-mum taking on the very important role of team manager. We all got very involved in the Socceroos World Cup crusade, including decorating the house in green and gold streamers and waking up in the middle of the night to watch the games, dressed up in appropriate fan gear, each with a set of red and yellow cards in hand to aid our cheering and jeering.
Now that the soccer season is over Thomas has moved on to circus classes somewhat inspired by our trip to Cirque de Soleil. This event has since been surpassed by Aunty Louise taking him and his cousin to see Kylie M***’s recent Homecoming Tour. That this was his first pop-concert was somewhat mitigated by the fact that he had afternoon sleep so he would last the distance. Gaye and Clare had a taste of things to come sitting outside Homebush stadium at close to midnight to pick them up.
He has continued to enjoy XXXXXXXX School and gained his learning medal this year. For the uninitiated this means the culmination of nine red awards and three blue awards - a combination of academic achievement, effort and good citizenship. His most amusing perhaps includes an award for ‘trying to solve his problems peacefully” He is very much looking forward to being the top of the school next year in year 2.
Gaye visited Tiwi again this year and enjoyed the cultural and sporting experience – coming home with five lovely pieces of art – three of which were from the disability workshop. It was great for her to catch up with friends in Darwin and to visit some of her former haunts. She continued her obsession with a lovely painting from a Far North Queensland artist at the University of NSW Art Show where proceeds support Aboriginal health and allied health students. Thomas, who now has a keen eye for Aboriginal art, actually picked it from the collection.
Thomas and Clare started the year with a trip to Heron Island where he learned to snorkel and she learnt all about the day spa. Later in the year we all travelled across to Western Australia for a couple of weeks campervanning up the west coast. The best day started at 4 am (we were sill on Sydney time) with a dawn visit in our PJs to the spectacular Pinnacles followed by warm porridge and swimming in our undies at Hangover Bay. Western Australia really is quite beautiful and very different from our coast. We had five lovely days at Monkey Mia where Thomas got to feed the dolphins and we were able to see and survive lots of different sea creatures – even stingrays! (NB this was around the time of ‘our Steve’s” sad passing)
Gaye is really enjoying her pregnancy – she has popped out and is looking gorgeous. Thomas is full of good advice informing Gaye that she would be best not to stand on her head right now (which she is of-course known for doing) as it might come out her nose, and assuring us that ‘we will all get a bit of a break when the baby is sleeping.”
The year as always has been punctuated with visits to and from family and friends. Gaye’s nephew Lee graduated from year 12 this year, and Gaye attended the swanky event to celebrate with him and extended family. Clare’s folks have made the most of their retirement visiting regularly for school concerts, grandparent days and sausage sizzles. Gaye was very proud to become El’s godmother this year (Thomas is sure he is her god relation as a result), she even wore angel wings to the celebration lunch. We have a lovely time ahead with our annual pudding-stirring visit to Clare's family and a Boxing Day lunch with Gaye’s folks and a camping holiday planned for January.
We wish you a very Merry Christmas and a peaceful and happy 2007.
Gaye, Clare and Thomas
Hello
We have had a really busy happy year, with lots change and more to come in the next year.
After 10 months of looking we have finally found our new home. Recognising how bad the average renovators taste is (or maybe they have the good taste?) we stopped looking for a completely renovated place and bought our own renovators delight. We are currently in the process of designing and understanding (well trying to) builders quotes, kitchen designers, distinguishing between different white tiles and the intricacy of recycled water. The house is in a great street, close to everything that is vital to our day-to-day lives and we are really looking forward to moving and having more space in late March next year.
Clare is no longer preventing violence against women, but has moved to greener and somewhat saner pastures at the University. It is a new position with lots of autonomy and so she is enjoying moulding into something good and working out the idiosyncrasies of campus bureaucracy. It seems a bit like a fiefdom at this point, with separate entrances for staff and dignitaries at the recent Vice Chancellors Christmas do!
Gaye has continued to thrive on the thrills and spills of her role and is looking forward to having this particular view of the election process in March.
Not only did Thomas continue do very well at soccer this year, scoring lots of goals complete with the essential victory lap with his shirt over his head, Clare became an honest to goodness soccer-mum taking on the very important role of team manager. We all got very involved in the Socceroos World Cup crusade, including decorating the house in green and gold streamers and waking up in the middle of the night to watch the games, dressed up in appropriate fan gear, each with a set of red and yellow cards in hand to aid our cheering and jeering.
Now that the soccer season is over Thomas has moved on to circus classes somewhat inspired by our trip to Cirque de Soleil. This event has since been surpassed by Aunty Louise taking him and his cousin to see Kylie M***’s recent Homecoming Tour. That this was his first pop-concert was somewhat mitigated by the fact that he had afternoon sleep so he would last the distance. Gaye and Clare had a taste of things to come sitting outside Homebush stadium at close to midnight to pick them up.
He has continued to enjoy XXXXXXXX School and gained his learning medal this year. For the uninitiated this means the culmination of nine red awards and three blue awards - a combination of academic achievement, effort and good citizenship. His most amusing perhaps includes an award for ‘trying to solve his problems peacefully” He is very much looking forward to being the top of the school next year in year 2.
Gaye visited Tiwi again this year and enjoyed the cultural and sporting experience – coming home with five lovely pieces of art – three of which were from the disability workshop. It was great for her to catch up with friends in Darwin and to visit some of her former haunts. She continued her obsession with a lovely painting from a Far North Queensland artist at the University of NSW Art Show where proceeds support Aboriginal health and allied health students. Thomas, who now has a keen eye for Aboriginal art, actually picked it from the collection.
Thomas and Clare started the year with a trip to Heron Island where he learned to snorkel and she learnt all about the day spa. Later in the year we all travelled across to Western Australia for a couple of weeks campervanning up the west coast. The best day started at 4 am (we were sill on Sydney time) with a dawn visit in our PJs to the spectacular Pinnacles followed by warm porridge and swimming in our undies at Hangover Bay. Western Australia really is quite beautiful and very different from our coast. We had five lovely days at Monkey Mia where Thomas got to feed the dolphins and we were able to see and survive lots of different sea creatures – even stingrays! (NB this was around the time of ‘our Steve’s” sad passing)
Gaye is really enjoying her pregnancy – she has popped out and is looking gorgeous. Thomas is full of good advice informing Gaye that she would be best not to stand on her head right now (which she is of-course known for doing) as it might come out her nose, and assuring us that ‘we will all get a bit of a break when the baby is sleeping.”
The year as always has been punctuated with visits to and from family and friends. Gaye’s nephew Lee graduated from year 12 this year, and Gaye attended the swanky event to celebrate with him and extended family. Clare’s folks have made the most of their retirement visiting regularly for school concerts, grandparent days and sausage sizzles. Gaye was very proud to become El’s godmother this year (Thomas is sure he is her god relation as a result), she even wore angel wings to the celebration lunch. We have a lovely time ahead with our annual pudding-stirring visit to Clare's family and a Boxing Day lunch with Gaye’s folks and a camping holiday planned for January.
We wish you a very Merry Christmas and a peaceful and happy 2007.
Gaye, Clare and Thomas
Monday, December 04, 2006
Christmas is coming ...
Thomas has enjoyed Christmas for the last few years, but this year you can already tell it is going to be big. (And from the amount of questioning about the big red man, the last year Santa will really be believed in). We decorated the Christmas tree on the weekend, which is always joyful and was especially so this year. He was much into the filming of Gaye's belly and talking about a baby being in there.
He came to work with me on Monday afternoon after a trip to the dentist and spent the best part of 3 hours making Christmas decorations and covering my desk in glitter. He has a Christmas ideas book and is keen to make as many things as possible in the lead up to Christmas. We already have many traditions - stirring the pudding as a family with my Mum and making shortbread in the shape of trees.
This year we are going to add to the list by taking a combination of a friends Danish tradition of an Advent bowl (where each day to Christmas is counted down with a small present or chocolate and Loobylou's idea of a family events advent calendar. So a box of cards with family activities for each day and a small choccy. They will go from very Christmassy (like make our Christmas Crackers and take a walk to look at the lights) to just family fun (like dance like crazy and have a family race up the street).
He can't wait... I can't wait!!!!
He came to work with me on Monday afternoon after a trip to the dentist and spent the best part of 3 hours making Christmas decorations and covering my desk in glitter. He has a Christmas ideas book and is keen to make as many things as possible in the lead up to Christmas. We already have many traditions - stirring the pudding as a family with my Mum and making shortbread in the shape of trees.
This year we are going to add to the list by taking a combination of a friends Danish tradition of an Advent bowl (where each day to Christmas is counted down with a small present or chocolate and Loobylou's idea of a family events advent calendar. So a box of cards with family activities for each day and a small choccy. They will go from very Christmassy (like make our Christmas Crackers and take a walk to look at the lights) to just family fun (like dance like crazy and have a family race up the street).
He can't wait... I can't wait!!!!
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Don't stand on your head or ...
A teddy bear from KM has replaced the ultrasound photo that was going to be his ‘news’ today.
Yes, we finally told him about the baby.
I will admit I was a bit concerned about what his reaction would be but we couldn’t have hoped for better. We waited until Friday morning when he came and hopped into bed for his snuggle.
When Gaye told him she had been to the dr and got a baby in her tummy he looked a bit shocked, but she followed it up with a comment about how fat she was going to get and how she wouldn’t be able to reach her shoes. He was completely taken with that and it all got pretty hilarious with his comments about not standing on her head or the baby would come out her nose. He is completely taken with the thought of the new gender balance in our household (he includes the dog – and yes we found out but I can’t tell you as that is Thomas secret to tell not mine!) and the idea that we might swap the s*x of the puppy was suggested but was hotly counted by him.
He was very interested to see the ultrasound shots, asked questions about what the baby was eating (including a comment about the baby not feeling like avocado so it would wait in Gaye’s tummy until it wanted it) and how did it actually get the food. We looked at pregnancy books and video footage of him as a baby.
We had decided to let him come up with the terms he would use to describe his relationship with the baby and support him in that ('in my family', 'brother or sister' etc) as he is going through a bit of a definite stage so we don’t want to back him into a corner and end up fighting about something that we are pretty sure will resolve itself once the actual baby is born.
He woke up pretty grumpy with Gaye the next morning. And after circus classes he had to spend an hour with her while I went for a massage. He was not impressed. Informing me that he ‘really didn’t like to be left with Gaye that much' (all evidence to the contrary up until this point). He didn’t want to do anything she needed to do and Gaye admitted to me that she was psyching herself up for a bit of a hard hour.
As it turned out they had a lovely hour, rushing around getting treats for the upcoming visit with Ann and buying gifts for Denis her brother who had been left at home with his parents. He was completely angelic apparently and as they were walking around the shops Gaye said they would have seen about 20 pregnant women. He turned to her and said ‘ do you think your tummy is getting bigger yet?' she said ‘hmmm I don’t know darling, what do you think' he had a good look and said “Nahh” (Gaye is 20 weeks on Wednesday, her belly is definitely bigger. We have been wondering how come he has not noticed.)
Apparently, there was someone giving out tastes of some food or another and she said to Thomas. “Would you like to try while your Mummy is shopping?” His answer was ‘No thank you, she is not my Mummy but she does have a baby in her tummy'
It got better still when he and Ann came racing in while we were preparing dinner that night (with my mother, sister and father sitting at the table) and he pointed at Gaye’s belly. ‘in there’ he said. She said “sure Thomas. Aunty Clare, Thomas says he has a brother/sister in Gaye’s tummy” I said “well that is right there is a baby in Gaye’s belly”
(Turn to look at Gaye who has got all teary cause he has used those terms, followed by an overwhelming strong urge to giggle hysterically as I remember that my mother is sitting nearby. She still has not said A THING about the baby)
The next morning he showed Ann an ultrasound photo and again said ‘ see this is my broth/sis ter. (more tears from Gaye and this time me too).
So we are feeling hopeful. We are trying to be very low key about it and I am sure there will be up days and down days. And although I told his teacher this morning so she would be prepared I have told him it is his news to tell at school. Today, the baby has been put firmly in place, as KM concert and going with his cousin was definitely more important!
Yes, we finally told him about the baby.
I will admit I was a bit concerned about what his reaction would be but we couldn’t have hoped for better. We waited until Friday morning when he came and hopped into bed for his snuggle.
When Gaye told him she had been to the dr and got a baby in her tummy he looked a bit shocked, but she followed it up with a comment about how fat she was going to get and how she wouldn’t be able to reach her shoes. He was completely taken with that and it all got pretty hilarious with his comments about not standing on her head or the baby would come out her nose. He is completely taken with the thought of the new gender balance in our household (he includes the dog – and yes we found out but I can’t tell you as that is Thomas secret to tell not mine!) and the idea that we might swap the s*x of the puppy was suggested but was hotly counted by him.
He was very interested to see the ultrasound shots, asked questions about what the baby was eating (including a comment about the baby not feeling like avocado so it would wait in Gaye’s tummy until it wanted it) and how did it actually get the food. We looked at pregnancy books and video footage of him as a baby.
We had decided to let him come up with the terms he would use to describe his relationship with the baby and support him in that ('in my family', 'brother or sister' etc) as he is going through a bit of a definite stage so we don’t want to back him into a corner and end up fighting about something that we are pretty sure will resolve itself once the actual baby is born.
He woke up pretty grumpy with Gaye the next morning. And after circus classes he had to spend an hour with her while I went for a massage. He was not impressed. Informing me that he ‘really didn’t like to be left with Gaye that much' (all evidence to the contrary up until this point). He didn’t want to do anything she needed to do and Gaye admitted to me that she was psyching herself up for a bit of a hard hour.
As it turned out they had a lovely hour, rushing around getting treats for the upcoming visit with Ann and buying gifts for Denis her brother who had been left at home with his parents. He was completely angelic apparently and as they were walking around the shops Gaye said they would have seen about 20 pregnant women. He turned to her and said ‘ do you think your tummy is getting bigger yet?' she said ‘hmmm I don’t know darling, what do you think' he had a good look and said “Nahh” (Gaye is 20 weeks on Wednesday, her belly is definitely bigger. We have been wondering how come he has not noticed.)
Apparently, there was someone giving out tastes of some food or another and she said to Thomas. “Would you like to try while your Mummy is shopping?” His answer was ‘No thank you, she is not my Mummy but she does have a baby in her tummy'
It got better still when he and Ann came racing in while we were preparing dinner that night (with my mother, sister and father sitting at the table) and he pointed at Gaye’s belly. ‘in there’ he said. She said “sure Thomas. Aunty Clare, Thomas says he has a brother/sister in Gaye’s tummy” I said “well that is right there is a baby in Gaye’s belly”
(Turn to look at Gaye who has got all teary cause he has used those terms, followed by an overwhelming strong urge to giggle hysterically as I remember that my mother is sitting nearby. She still has not said A THING about the baby)
The next morning he showed Ann an ultrasound photo and again said ‘ see this is my broth/sis ter. (more tears from Gaye and this time me too).
So we are feeling hopeful. We are trying to be very low key about it and I am sure there will be up days and down days. And although I told his teacher this morning so she would be prepared I have told him it is his news to tell at school. Today, the baby has been put firmly in place, as KM concert and going with his cousin was definitely more important!
A big night out
Aunty Louise rang on Friday morning to say she had a plan to take my niece Ann, who lives about three hours drive away to see Kylie M. Ann is completely obsessed with KM, which is pretty funny because she is the non-girly 8 year old I have ever known. But she completely loves KM’s costumes and songs. She can tell you EVERY song on every album and every song KM has sung on every tour. She is obsessed in that way that 8 year olds get.
Thomas really really wants to be obsessed about something. But he just isn’t that type of kid. He really wants to be because lots of his friends are about particular things and he is always planning to collect particular thing or another… and I try and be as supportive as I can … but basically he just isn’t obsessive. He just wants to get to the bit where he has all the knowledge about some item or another but he isn’t actually that interested enough to maintain commitment to it. Not yet anyway. The end result is that he is sure that he really likes KM too (as much as Ann) and so Aunty Louise thought she would take them both.
My folks were coming up this weekend anyway as you might recall, as part of my cunning plan to keep them around after they heard about the baby so things didn’t have time to get uncomfortable. I had bought them tickets to E*ton J*hn. That concert is tonight. So it was organised in a flurry of phone calls to parents and grandparents that Ann should come up and stay with us for two nights and Aunty Louise for two nights and that they would both go to see KM.
Thomas has now been to see his first pop-concert. And he will have to say forever that KM was his first! His Dad is sure this is going to haunt him. I think the fact that he had an arvo sleep first might in fact be the haunting factor. He had a great time, Ann had a fabulous time and I think Aunty Louise had the best time just being with them there and being the Aunty with the mostest. Gaye and I dropped and picked them off from the venue – for not the last time I am sure. It was like a sign of things to come.
And they both had yesterday off from school with my parents visiting the Powerhouse and going on the train. (which I think Thomas was equally impressed with). He is not all that impressed that she is having another day off today while he goes to school but they are meeting up this afternoon for a swim.
They put a show on for us last night. It included Thomas dancing in his undies…
Thomas really really wants to be obsessed about something. But he just isn’t that type of kid. He really wants to be because lots of his friends are about particular things and he is always planning to collect particular thing or another… and I try and be as supportive as I can … but basically he just isn’t obsessive. He just wants to get to the bit where he has all the knowledge about some item or another but he isn’t actually that interested enough to maintain commitment to it. Not yet anyway. The end result is that he is sure that he really likes KM too (as much as Ann) and so Aunty Louise thought she would take them both.
My folks were coming up this weekend anyway as you might recall, as part of my cunning plan to keep them around after they heard about the baby so things didn’t have time to get uncomfortable. I had bought them tickets to E*ton J*hn. That concert is tonight. So it was organised in a flurry of phone calls to parents and grandparents that Ann should come up and stay with us for two nights and Aunty Louise for two nights and that they would both go to see KM.
Thomas has now been to see his first pop-concert. And he will have to say forever that KM was his first! His Dad is sure this is going to haunt him. I think the fact that he had an arvo sleep first might in fact be the haunting factor. He had a great time, Ann had a fabulous time and I think Aunty Louise had the best time just being with them there and being the Aunty with the mostest. Gaye and I dropped and picked them off from the venue – for not the last time I am sure. It was like a sign of things to come.
And they both had yesterday off from school with my parents visiting the Powerhouse and going on the train. (which I think Thomas was equally impressed with). He is not all that impressed that she is having another day off today while he goes to school but they are meeting up this afternoon for a swim.
They put a show on for us last night. It included Thomas dancing in his undies…
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Maybe baby
Gaye had her 18-week scan yesterday and all is well. The baby is growing nicely and all the bits that should be there are. She has gone all vague and forgetful (which is odd from such an astute woman) but really it is all happy. We are having a very happy time.
We will tell Thomas this week, who fortunately seems to be coming around to the conversation about a hypothetical new baby.
This morning went like this:
“Mum, when do you undo your belly button?”
“Never darling, it just stays like that…”
“Don’t you clean it?”
“Only in the bath”
“When we have a new baby you will see it’s belly button being made, it is all red when the baby comes home from hospital.” (note we have changed from using if to when and been very low key this week)
“Will I get to see it in the tummy with a special camera”
(Quick look at Gaye) “Sure and the nurse will let you hold the microphone on the tummy and hear the babies heart beat – they go so fast”
“With one of those ear things?”
“No it is just like a microphone”
“They take a long time to grow don’t they?”
“Yes, quite a long time”
Which is much improved from last week which went like this:…
“Your new place is great you won’t have to drive anywhere” Old and good Friend
“I know, I have never liked driving, I don’t know why, I know some people like it I just don’t”
From Thomas in the back seat
“Just like I don’t like the idea of another baby in the house”
(Raised eyebrows from OGF) “The great thing about being a big brother Thomas is that you get to have the younger ones do things for you.”
“Like what?”
“Well Adelaide still has Poppy do all sorts of things for her, get her yoghurt, get her a drink. And Poppy is 13 now”
“I have got my Mum for that!”
“And they give you presents on your birthday”
“I’ll have to buy them some too. Everyone tells me I want one but I just don’t”
I found his cot blanket last week and he has slept with it on his bed last night. We agreed last night that we should take it down when we go to see Gaye's folks after Christmas so her Mum can make a new baby one too.
We hoping all this preparation will make the actual announcement later this week a bit of a non-event.
We will tell Thomas this week, who fortunately seems to be coming around to the conversation about a hypothetical new baby.
This morning went like this:
“Mum, when do you undo your belly button?”
“Never darling, it just stays like that…”
“Don’t you clean it?”
“Only in the bath”
“When we have a new baby you will see it’s belly button being made, it is all red when the baby comes home from hospital.” (note we have changed from using if to when and been very low key this week)
“Will I get to see it in the tummy with a special camera”
(Quick look at Gaye) “Sure and the nurse will let you hold the microphone on the tummy and hear the babies heart beat – they go so fast”
“With one of those ear things?”
“No it is just like a microphone”
“They take a long time to grow don’t they?”
“Yes, quite a long time”
Which is much improved from last week which went like this:…
“Your new place is great you won’t have to drive anywhere” Old and good Friend
“I know, I have never liked driving, I don’t know why, I know some people like it I just don’t”
From Thomas in the back seat
“Just like I don’t like the idea of another baby in the house”
(Raised eyebrows from OGF) “The great thing about being a big brother Thomas is that you get to have the younger ones do things for you.”
“Like what?”
“Well Adelaide still has Poppy do all sorts of things for her, get her yoghurt, get her a drink. And Poppy is 13 now”
“I have got my Mum for that!”
“And they give you presents on your birthday”
“I’ll have to buy them some too. Everyone tells me I want one but I just don’t”
I found his cot blanket last week and he has slept with it on his bed last night. We agreed last night that we should take it down when we go to see Gaye's folks after Christmas so her Mum can make a new baby one too.
We hoping all this preparation will make the actual announcement later this week a bit of a non-event.
Friday, November 17, 2006
how do they get the pip out?
We are driving along in the car, on our way to something or other. Gaye is driving, I am in the passenger seat, Thomas is in the back. We are talking about where we are going and what we are looking forward to about it. Then...
"Hey Mum..."
"Yes darling?"
"You know those men, the ones who help people who don't have pips... how do they get the pip out?"
"Sorry darling?" Confused look from me to Gaye
"You know those men, the nice ones who help the ladies who don't have a Daddy to have a baby - how do they get the pip out?"
"Ohh you mean the seed, when a man donates a seed so someone can have a baby?"
"Yeah, how do they get that pip out of their pe*is"
(At this point I admit I couldn't hold it together, I got all giggly thinking of blokes and p**n in a small room at a clinic. I mean I really do try to be factual and straight forward with him about such things, but I was a bit confronted about this. I am ashamed to say that I fell on the when you grow up sword....)
"Darling it is kind of a grown up thing, the sort of thing that you learn as you grow up."
"Just tell me Mum, I don't care if it is a grown up thing, I want to know the truth"
"It is hard to explain really, you know how you just know how to do a wee? Well you will just know how to do this when you grow up"
"Does it hurt"
"Not even a bit, you just know you want to and so it comes out"
"Really, I get it. So you think about it and make it happen"
(We jumped on that boat let me tell you)
"Yes, that is it completely. When you are grown up your body will tell you how to make it happen and then you will be able to"
"Ahh right I totally get it"
"Hey Mum..."
"Yes darling?"
"You know those men, the ones who help people who don't have pips... how do they get the pip out?"
"Sorry darling?" Confused look from me to Gaye
"You know those men, the nice ones who help the ladies who don't have a Daddy to have a baby - how do they get the pip out?"
"Ohh you mean the seed, when a man donates a seed so someone can have a baby?"
"Yeah, how do they get that pip out of their pe*is"
(At this point I admit I couldn't hold it together, I got all giggly thinking of blokes and p**n in a small room at a clinic. I mean I really do try to be factual and straight forward with him about such things, but I was a bit confronted about this. I am ashamed to say that I fell on the when you grow up sword....)
"Darling it is kind of a grown up thing, the sort of thing that you learn as you grow up."
"Just tell me Mum, I don't care if it is a grown up thing, I want to know the truth"
"It is hard to explain really, you know how you just know how to do a wee? Well you will just know how to do this when you grow up"
"Does it hurt"
"Not even a bit, you just know you want to and so it comes out"
"Really, I get it. So you think about it and make it happen"
(We jumped on that boat let me tell you)
"Yes, that is it completely. When you are grown up your body will tell you how to make it happen and then you will be able to"
"Ahh right I totally get it"
Thursday, November 16, 2006
There is quite alot happening
but there are a few things that stand out from the last two weeks or so.
- I got the all clear on my breast
- We bought a house - which needs renovating and so I am interviewing project managers everyday this week. it looks nothing like the houses we have been looking at and it is in a slightly different area to where we have been looking, but we both feel really happy about it.
- My Dad was completely gorgeous about the baby and came up to for a long promised visit to Gaye's work this week and it has been comfortable and easy
- My sibilings have left messages for Gaye saying that they are really happy for her and look forward to reprising their roles as Uncle and Aunty.
- My mum has not actually said anything negative (actually not said anything at all) about it and when she was here last week was polite with Gaye.
- Thomas woke us up last week at 5:50am and had a conversation about christainity, evolution and reincarnation. With lots of tied up elements. His funniest comment was probably ‘well he didn’t live long then’ when told JC was born at Christmas and died at Easter. Closely followed by ‘well we were all monkeys and apes before anyway’ when untangling that some people believe that ‘JC rose again” and that some people believe in reincarnation. “Does that mean that I could be a fish and swim by my brother on the shore and say – look there is my brother?”
- Thomas (although he has not been told yet about the baby) has been telling me all the reasons why a baby is a bad idea. His reasons are hilarious.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Telling my mother
For months now I have planned to tell my mother about the baby this weekend. We wanted to wait until we got past 14 weeks and it is after my mother’s birthday tomorrow. You see I know my mother is not going to be happy about the baby. Her basic objection to me being in a same sex relationship is that (apparently apart from basically thinking same sex relationships are immoral) she believes it is not a good environment for children. And she thinks it is bad for Thomas.
Not that long ago I had a good relationship with my mum, but somewhere along the way I suddenly realised that was probably because I hadn’t done anything to challenge her ideas about where and what I would be.
She isn’t a crazy Christian or a mad right-winger. She has been completely cool about meeting, hanging out with my gay and lesbian friends over the years, her and my Dad have a couple of their own who they hang out with. She is pro- land rights, has pro-migration and anti-war type views. I am pretty sure she has voted Green in the last few elections, she has walked to say ‘sorry’ to Aboriginal Australia, she is pro-choice.
When I told her about Gaye (I wrote her a letter which my Dad who is supportive gave to her) she didn’t speak to me for months. It really has taken the best part of two years for us to talk even close to normally and even now although she is perfectly polite to Gaye when she sees her, and we have stayed at her home together, she never actually asks me about Gaye when we talk on the phone or via email. And regularly there is this particular tone in her voice, which I can’t really describe, but it basically it is cold and disapproving. Not that long ago we used to talk 3 or 4 times a week. Not that long ago I felt supported and loved by her.
The onoing problem is despite feeling disappointed and angry with her, I do really love my Mum.
I tried (at my family’s urging) to be patient and understanding, to meet intolerance with tolerance. I continue to try (at Gaye’s urging) what she calls ‘lesbian desensitisation’ which basically involves mentioning Gaye and I as a family as often as possible. (Last we spoke I mentioned how the lady we are buying our house off said she was so happy to sell to such a lovely family for example).
I completely lost the plot about 10 months in and yelled at her for about an hour and half about being a mother who cared more about her ‘values’ than her feelings for me.
Things improved after that (in that she rang the house and started being pleasant to Gaye) and they have gradually got better. But I still morn the loss of my close and supportive relationship with my mum.
What I get out of our contact these days is related more to her relationship with Thomas (which I nurtured at every opportunity before and since) he loves her and she loves him in an open and joyful fashion.
I am so nervous about telling her about the baby. I haven’t told my brother or father either, as I don’t want to repeat the everyone else knowing before her scenario from last time. I am so nervous – cause although I know she won’t be I would love it if she was okay about it – and I am worried she will cut me off again and be cold and horrid.
And now my mother is coming to stay with my sister for a few days next week so there is no avoiding it any longer. It was going to be done this weekend, but now it must be and I feel sick and nervous about it.
I also feel like I want to tell her about the lump in my breast, I want her support but I can’t work out how to do both.
Not that long ago I had a good relationship with my mum, but somewhere along the way I suddenly realised that was probably because I hadn’t done anything to challenge her ideas about where and what I would be.
She isn’t a crazy Christian or a mad right-winger. She has been completely cool about meeting, hanging out with my gay and lesbian friends over the years, her and my Dad have a couple of their own who they hang out with. She is pro- land rights, has pro-migration and anti-war type views. I am pretty sure she has voted Green in the last few elections, she has walked to say ‘sorry’ to Aboriginal Australia, she is pro-choice.
When I told her about Gaye (I wrote her a letter which my Dad who is supportive gave to her) she didn’t speak to me for months. It really has taken the best part of two years for us to talk even close to normally and even now although she is perfectly polite to Gaye when she sees her, and we have stayed at her home together, she never actually asks me about Gaye when we talk on the phone or via email. And regularly there is this particular tone in her voice, which I can’t really describe, but it basically it is cold and disapproving. Not that long ago we used to talk 3 or 4 times a week. Not that long ago I felt supported and loved by her.
The onoing problem is despite feeling disappointed and angry with her, I do really love my Mum.
I tried (at my family’s urging) to be patient and understanding, to meet intolerance with tolerance. I continue to try (at Gaye’s urging) what she calls ‘lesbian desensitisation’ which basically involves mentioning Gaye and I as a family as often as possible. (Last we spoke I mentioned how the lady we are buying our house off said she was so happy to sell to such a lovely family for example).
I completely lost the plot about 10 months in and yelled at her for about an hour and half about being a mother who cared more about her ‘values’ than her feelings for me.
Things improved after that (in that she rang the house and started being pleasant to Gaye) and they have gradually got better. But I still morn the loss of my close and supportive relationship with my mum.
What I get out of our contact these days is related more to her relationship with Thomas (which I nurtured at every opportunity before and since) he loves her and she loves him in an open and joyful fashion.
I am so nervous about telling her about the baby. I haven’t told my brother or father either, as I don’t want to repeat the everyone else knowing before her scenario from last time. I am so nervous – cause although I know she won’t be I would love it if she was okay about it – and I am worried she will cut me off again and be cold and horrid.
And now my mother is coming to stay with my sister for a few days next week so there is no avoiding it any longer. It was going to be done this weekend, but now it must be and I feel sick and nervous about it.
I also feel like I want to tell her about the lump in my breast, I want her support but I can’t work out how to do both.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
This will be a happy Halloween
There are big debates here on local radio about why Australian's would want to adopt the celebrations attached to Halloween. This is largely because there are many Australian's (myself included) who feel concern at the level of commercialisation.
But not about Halloween. Why? Well because as an event far predates any modern commercialisation of it, people have been celebrating days of the dead and the like for many centuries AND because the kids love it.
What is not to love? You get dressed up, you play with your friends, you get some lollies and you are out at night past bedtime. The last two years we have had Halloween Parties at home. The first party was a modest attempt. It was before Thomas started school and we had the neighbourhood kids and some friends around (about 8 in total) we had a BBQ, we got dressed up, we decorated treat bags and I delivered lollies and chocolates to my neighbours the night before to give to the kids (it is not standard practice here) and we tricked and treated in our street.
Last year Thomas had started school, but as his birthday is in February he had not had a party with school friends, so he was keen to have lots of his friends. We have a very very small house (not for long!) and so we drew the line at 12 kids. Except the night before I heard that 3 kids at school were just devastated and crying because the weren't invited, so after a quick consult with Gaye we rang around and invited those who hadn't been invited.
We ended up with 19 kids. Two of which had not very good manners (but this is not surprising as their parents just dropped them at the gate without coming in to say hello, even thou they had not met us before! We later found out that word had got around that it was a ‘lesso’ family and so no one was a bit worried about their kids – we live in that sort of area!).
It was a fun party, but much much to large for our house. Gaye cooked home made pizza at Thomas’ request. We had lots of games and we decorated our treat bags. I went around to our neighbours again the night before with bags of sweets to give out and asked if it was okay, we sent the kids around in groups of four with a known adult. The gorgeous thing last year was that our street (which is a combination of established Portuguese families, young families, a few lesbian couples and a couple of share houses) really got into it – so that when the kids went to trick and treat people were dressed up as witches and wizards. In the share house the whole household came to the door each time a group of kids came to the house. But Gaye and I were exhausted and horse by the time they all went home that night. Some of the kids behaviour was outrageous and 19 kids was just too many. But two years in a row means a tradition in the life of a seven year old.
This year in some fit of brilliance I suggested to the school p&c that we do it as a fundraiser. So tonight we have 123 children coming to the school hall for a Halloween disco. The local IGA has donated lollies, the local pub has donated sausages, the local veggie shop has donated vegies and sauce and bread, the after-school care coordinator is a theatre/drama person in his other life and has organised a smoke machine and a disco light and is organising games. The kids have made decorations for the school hall during art.
We have raised $700 for the school. See I get to feel really good while actually getting out of something!
But not about Halloween. Why? Well because as an event far predates any modern commercialisation of it, people have been celebrating days of the dead and the like for many centuries AND because the kids love it.
What is not to love? You get dressed up, you play with your friends, you get some lollies and you are out at night past bedtime. The last two years we have had Halloween Parties at home. The first party was a modest attempt. It was before Thomas started school and we had the neighbourhood kids and some friends around (about 8 in total) we had a BBQ, we got dressed up, we decorated treat bags and I delivered lollies and chocolates to my neighbours the night before to give to the kids (it is not standard practice here) and we tricked and treated in our street.
Last year Thomas had started school, but as his birthday is in February he had not had a party with school friends, so he was keen to have lots of his friends. We have a very very small house (not for long!) and so we drew the line at 12 kids. Except the night before I heard that 3 kids at school were just devastated and crying because the weren't invited, so after a quick consult with Gaye we rang around and invited those who hadn't been invited.
We ended up with 19 kids. Two of which had not very good manners (but this is not surprising as their parents just dropped them at the gate without coming in to say hello, even thou they had not met us before! We later found out that word had got around that it was a ‘lesso’ family and so no one was a bit worried about their kids – we live in that sort of area!).
It was a fun party, but much much to large for our house. Gaye cooked home made pizza at Thomas’ request. We had lots of games and we decorated our treat bags. I went around to our neighbours again the night before with bags of sweets to give out and asked if it was okay, we sent the kids around in groups of four with a known adult. The gorgeous thing last year was that our street (which is a combination of established Portuguese families, young families, a few lesbian couples and a couple of share houses) really got into it – so that when the kids went to trick and treat people were dressed up as witches and wizards. In the share house the whole household came to the door each time a group of kids came to the house. But Gaye and I were exhausted and horse by the time they all went home that night. Some of the kids behaviour was outrageous and 19 kids was just too many. But two years in a row means a tradition in the life of a seven year old.
This year in some fit of brilliance I suggested to the school p&c that we do it as a fundraiser. So tonight we have 123 children coming to the school hall for a Halloween disco. The local IGA has donated lollies, the local pub has donated sausages, the local veggie shop has donated vegies and sauce and bread, the after-school care coordinator is a theatre/drama person in his other life and has organised a smoke machine and a disco light and is organising games. The kids have made decorations for the school hall during art.
We have raised $700 for the school. See I get to feel really good while actually getting out of something!
Monday, October 30, 2006
Trying not to get ahead of myself
in more ways than one.
We have found a house and had an offer accepted, verbally. Contracts will hopefully be exchanged today. I have spent all weekend thinking about the house and hoping it will work out as it is a big change from our original plan of buying a renovated place in easy walking distance from Paddy's dad. It is completely unnrenovated and about 20 mins walk (5 mins drive) away! We will rennovate before we move in - with an aim to moving in in March before the baby comes. I have swung madly (as is my way) from thinking it is all completely possible to trying to convince myself not to get my hopes up.
I have found a lump in my breast last week - which I have tried to convince myself is nothing but it isn't going away. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I have swung madly from thinking it is nothing to thinking I am going to lose my breast and/or leave my child motherless.
We have found a house and had an offer accepted, verbally. Contracts will hopefully be exchanged today. I have spent all weekend thinking about the house and hoping it will work out as it is a big change from our original plan of buying a renovated place in easy walking distance from Paddy's dad. It is completely unnrenovated and about 20 mins walk (5 mins drive) away! We will rennovate before we move in - with an aim to moving in in March before the baby comes. I have swung madly (as is my way) from thinking it is all completely possible to trying to convince myself not to get my hopes up.
I have found a lump in my breast last week - which I have tried to convince myself is nothing but it isn't going away. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I have swung madly from thinking it is nothing to thinking I am going to lose my breast and/or leave my child motherless.
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