So ... for the last six months we have been visiting orthodontist with Thomas. For first and second opinions about when and where and what he is going to need in orthodontic treatment. We started out with the world known where it was like going to a braces factory and worked our way to nice and kind and sensible local orthodontist. All we spoke to said the same thing - it isn't a question of if but a question of when and the sooner the better.
So after much agonising (which I won't bore you with - except to say that this has been recommended as the least painful route and most likely to end in least intervention) we decided to start now.
Thomas has been dreading it and so have I (OK so I have post braces issues from my youth). So today was the day and I got myself into a frenzy of organisation to ensure that all possibilities were covered - day off school, half a day off school, Panadol etc etc.
And he has decided they are cool...
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
meant to be
Sometimes things just feel like they are meant to be. For the last few months Gaye and I have been agonising over how to best manage care of Al when she works. We would prefer it if we could be at home with him (at least one of us!) and so Gaye has (after running out of leave and savings) undetaken the majority of her work from home. She has to go to meetings a bit at the office but we have managed this hour or two through the lovely Aunty Lou or him coming to work with me or going with Gaye and a couple of occasions when our folks were in town. But it is becoming a bit hard on Gaye to actually get her work done - what we needed was someone who could be around to help out.
The thing is we didn't want to leave him with anyone we didn't know - we have wished we had a grandma down the road to drop him in with for a little awhile or another friend with a smallish baby looking for a bit of a swap.
The other day on the bus to work I ran into a young man (I sound so old saying that!) who I have known through my dearest friends most of his life. My dearest friends - and parenting gurus - donated sperm to both his mothers 20 years and 17 years ago and the two boys they had have grown up closely as extended family with the two girls my dearest friends had 19 and 15 years ago. Way before everyone was doing it - they were. Although I don't spend much time with his mothers when we do get together we are completely up to date on each other and our kids as our mutual friend's keep us in the loop and I have spent time with the boys often when I have been at my friend's home.
Anyway I went home and talked to Gaye about seeing him - he has grown into a lovely man. He has taken on lots of responsibilities in his life for others in his family who are vulnerable and is kind and easy to talk to. Anyway we looked at each other and said 'what about him for Al'
I just rang him and he is keen. Gaye will be at home most of the time when he is there and I am only two minutes up the road when she is not. I completely trust him to be kind and sensible at all times.
Don't you think it is kind of gorgeous that our baby boy with two mothers is going to be babysat by a grown boy of two mothers!
The thing is we didn't want to leave him with anyone we didn't know - we have wished we had a grandma down the road to drop him in with for a little awhile or another friend with a smallish baby looking for a bit of a swap.
The other day on the bus to work I ran into a young man (I sound so old saying that!) who I have known through my dearest friends most of his life. My dearest friends - and parenting gurus - donated sperm to both his mothers 20 years and 17 years ago and the two boys they had have grown up closely as extended family with the two girls my dearest friends had 19 and 15 years ago. Way before everyone was doing it - they were. Although I don't spend much time with his mothers when we do get together we are completely up to date on each other and our kids as our mutual friend's keep us in the loop and I have spent time with the boys often when I have been at my friend's home.
Anyway I went home and talked to Gaye about seeing him - he has grown into a lovely man. He has taken on lots of responsibilities in his life for others in his family who are vulnerable and is kind and easy to talk to. Anyway we looked at each other and said 'what about him for Al'
I just rang him and he is keen. Gaye will be at home most of the time when he is there and I am only two minutes up the road when she is not. I completely trust him to be kind and sensible at all times.
Don't you think it is kind of gorgeous that our baby boy with two mothers is going to be babysat by a grown boy of two mothers!
Monday, October 15, 2007
Six Months
Al is six months old and completely gorgeous.
He smiles and laughs whenever we walk past - even if it is 2 minutes since he last saw us. His personality is really emerging, he is a relaxed and calm baby - like his mother.
We found out last week after (another) scary trip to emergency that he is allergic to wheat and eggs and so are adapting Gaye's (and therefore all of our) diets appropriately. As well as recognising that introduction to food will go slowly slowly in our place
He loves his solid food - pears and rice and potatoes so far. And is enjoying having a cup of water - to the point of crying if it is taken away which is pretty funny since he really doesn't cry about much else.
Al moved into the bedroom next door last week, as an attempt to discourage him from calling for room service quite so often. Which has improved Gaye's sleep somewhat.
Rather (completely) endearingly, Thomas has insisted on moving his bed into the same room so he can sleep next to his brother (and turning his bedroom into a playroom).
He smiles and laughs whenever we walk past - even if it is 2 minutes since he last saw us. His personality is really emerging, he is a relaxed and calm baby - like his mother.
We found out last week after (another) scary trip to emergency that he is allergic to wheat and eggs and so are adapting Gaye's (and therefore all of our) diets appropriately. As well as recognising that introduction to food will go slowly slowly in our place
He loves his solid food - pears and rice and potatoes so far. And is enjoying having a cup of water - to the point of crying if it is taken away which is pretty funny since he really doesn't cry about much else.
Al moved into the bedroom next door last week, as an attempt to discourage him from calling for room service quite so often. Which has improved Gaye's sleep somewhat.
Rather (completely) endearingly, Thomas has insisted on moving his bed into the same room so he can sleep next to his brother (and turning his bedroom into a playroom).
Lets go green then
I find myself slightly flummoxed that I am hoping like crazy that the finally called election results in a fairly right-wing left gets in, rather than the horror that is the current government getting another term. It is a case of better than bad I guess.
Thomas’ take on the election is going keep us amused. We have had many conversations already about voting and policies. And how there are two big parties and some smaller ones. He thinks of it like a football game (perhaps it is)…If only it were as easy as this to get other people around to my ideas…
“So Mum, who are you going for?”
“Labor honey”
“Not Mr Howard?”
“No – not Mr Howard, Mr Rudd?”
“So – you like Mr Rudd?”
“I like what he believes in better than what Mr Howard believes in”
“Like the taxes going on schools making them better that stuff”
“Yep that is the sort of thing”
“OK so we are going for the Labors?”
“Yep and the Greens”
“Who is the boss of the Green’s”
“Bob Brown”
“Do you like Bob Brown?”
“I really really like Bob Brown”
"He is the one who likes garden's isn't he?but his Greens are too small to win on their own"
"Yep thats them"
“OK, well I think I will go for the Greens and Labor too”
This morning there was a cartoon of Howard and Rudd dressed as B1 and B2 with a small Costello next to Howard. He asked if it was Howard’s son and I explained that Howard was planning to hand over his leadership half way through his term. “You got to be kidding, why don’t we get to vote about that then?”
An excellent point ….
Thomas’ take on the election is going keep us amused. We have had many conversations already about voting and policies. And how there are two big parties and some smaller ones. He thinks of it like a football game (perhaps it is)…If only it were as easy as this to get other people around to my ideas…
“So Mum, who are you going for?”
“Labor honey”
“Not Mr Howard?”
“No – not Mr Howard, Mr Rudd?”
“So – you like Mr Rudd?”
“I like what he believes in better than what Mr Howard believes in”
“Like the taxes going on schools making them better that stuff”
“Yep that is the sort of thing”
“OK so we are going for the Labors?”
“Yep and the Greens”
“Who is the boss of the Green’s”
“Bob Brown”
“Do you like Bob Brown?”
“I really really like Bob Brown”
"He is the one who likes garden's isn't he?but his Greens are too small to win on their own"
"Yep thats them"
“OK, well I think I will go for the Greens and Labor too”
This morning there was a cartoon of Howard and Rudd dressed as B1 and B2 with a small Costello next to Howard. He asked if it was Howard’s son and I explained that Howard was planning to hand over his leadership half way through his term. “You got to be kidding, why don’t we get to vote about that then?”
An excellent point ….
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Baby Charlotte
Many congratulations to Kelly and Sam at The Muriels http://themuriels.blogspot.com/ on the birth of their girl Charlotte.
Yay!
Yay!
Monday, September 10, 2007
short and sweet
- Al is almost sitting - but he WILL NOT roll
- Thomas has hit five feet tall and fits into the size 12 clothes I bought him this weekend (he is 8) except he is so skinny ne needs to wear belts
- I found two pairs of pants that I liked and fit on the weekend and was feeling very good in them until one of the kids at school asked me if I had a baby in my belly - hmm back on that diet again
- the baptism approaches - it is looking kind of mad. Relatives coming from all sorts of states and cities. None of them have met before and it seems they will all be around for a week. Breathe for me
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
or
Maybe I am just scared. Scared of re-visiting my infertilty. That month by month failure. Maybe all the worry is just a mask for that
Monday, August 27, 2007
Upsetting the balance
I am a worrier. I worry. Normal mother/lover/sister/daughter/friend worry I do, plus I do a whole lot of extra worrying. Sometimes I think I need my own 12 step plan to manage it. Hello my name is XXX and I am a worrier. I have all sorts of worries, state of the world worries, health worries - making sure that garlic is actually from Australia and organic, personal worries - did I talk to much? to little... honestly the list is long long long.
One of my worries is upsetting the balance.
Life is pretty good for me. I have two beautiful boys to love and my lovely Gaye. But I want more – well as least I do some of the time. The rest of the time I worry about upsetting the balance.
The balance is the fine line of keeping everything okay. Like now for instance, Thomas is okay with Al – in fact he loves him. Al has a brother – albeit one who goes to his Dad’s a couple of nights a week (which I know is good but feels not so good!). Gaye and I are managing our workloads and bills and keeping on keeping on.
But really really I want another baby. I want to be pregnant again. I want to be the one at home with the baby. I loved being at home with a baby and I was pretty good at it too – not suffering from the boredom/loneliness etc that lots of other women experience when they are at home with a young baby. I liked it – mulching about with Thomas and I am forever grateful for those days (especially now he goes to his Dads). Anyway that is off the track – see the issue is really balance and my worry about it.
Why would I upset things when they are all good. I am 39 at the end of the year; my first baby will be 9 in February. Might it worry him to come and go from a household with two small babies, will he feel cast out from a 2nd family (right now he feels at the centre I believe – he himself strongly believes that he is Al’s favourite person for example). Will it tip things over the edge for us money wise (we would need a bigger house and car for example) and what do we do with those two e*bies on ice of Gaye's if it is me who gets pregnant. There are many reasons not to do it.
I always saw myself with a household of children, a family when grown that came together on a huge long table to feast in a household that they had grown up in on a table they had sat around many many times.
My life and Thomas' life have just not been like that so far. It was just us for awhile and although the houses we have lived in together we still have some connection too we don't live in them anymore and he goes between two homes.
Thomas has been the centre of my world for a very long time now and I did wonder about my ability to love another child in the same way - especially one I didn't carry. As it turns out I continue to stun myself with the ways in which I feel just the same about Al. In fact I bite my tongue all the time not to be over controlling about his care - given it is Gaye who is actually at home with him most of the time. It is hard for me to make a decision without judging what the potential impacts might be on Thomas and Al. And I worry about upsetting the balance.
I guess the thing with me these days is I do really see things can change so quickly and profoundly. My life does not resemble the life I thought I would have 10 years - even 5 years ago. That finding and keeping balance is actually a constant act of conscious behaviour. That in lots of ways our relationships are delicate beings that need to be handled gently and consistently. That I should be grateful for what I have...
This is a long and rambling post - and leads to no conclusion. But I do feel better for it....
One of my worries is upsetting the balance.
Life is pretty good for me. I have two beautiful boys to love and my lovely Gaye. But I want more – well as least I do some of the time. The rest of the time I worry about upsetting the balance.
The balance is the fine line of keeping everything okay. Like now for instance, Thomas is okay with Al – in fact he loves him. Al has a brother – albeit one who goes to his Dad’s a couple of nights a week (which I know is good but feels not so good!). Gaye and I are managing our workloads and bills and keeping on keeping on.
But really really I want another baby. I want to be pregnant again. I want to be the one at home with the baby. I loved being at home with a baby and I was pretty good at it too – not suffering from the boredom/loneliness etc that lots of other women experience when they are at home with a young baby. I liked it – mulching about with Thomas and I am forever grateful for those days (especially now he goes to his Dads). Anyway that is off the track – see the issue is really balance and my worry about it.
Why would I upset things when they are all good. I am 39 at the end of the year; my first baby will be 9 in February. Might it worry him to come and go from a household with two small babies, will he feel cast out from a 2nd family (right now he feels at the centre I believe – he himself strongly believes that he is Al’s favourite person for example). Will it tip things over the edge for us money wise (we would need a bigger house and car for example) and what do we do with those two e*bies on ice of Gaye's if it is me who gets pregnant. There are many reasons not to do it.
I always saw myself with a household of children, a family when grown that came together on a huge long table to feast in a household that they had grown up in on a table they had sat around many many times.
My life and Thomas' life have just not been like that so far. It was just us for awhile and although the houses we have lived in together we still have some connection too we don't live in them anymore and he goes between two homes.
Thomas has been the centre of my world for a very long time now and I did wonder about my ability to love another child in the same way - especially one I didn't carry. As it turns out I continue to stun myself with the ways in which I feel just the same about Al. In fact I bite my tongue all the time not to be over controlling about his care - given it is Gaye who is actually at home with him most of the time. It is hard for me to make a decision without judging what the potential impacts might be on Thomas and Al. And I worry about upsetting the balance.
I guess the thing with me these days is I do really see things can change so quickly and profoundly. My life does not resemble the life I thought I would have 10 years - even 5 years ago. That finding and keeping balance is actually a constant act of conscious behaviour. That in lots of ways our relationships are delicate beings that need to be handled gently and consistently. That I should be grateful for what I have...
This is a long and rambling post - and leads to no conclusion. But I do feel better for it....
Friday, August 24, 2007
Things
- it is the last day of the soccer season tomorrow and right now all the grounds are closed because it has been raining here in Sydney for about a week. After tomorrow our Saturdays won't start with sport for a whole 5 weeks - when swimming will start - we are looking forward to that ... but I have enjoyed being part of this new team with the lovely parents and kids on a Saturday morning and not having a role in organising anything!
- Thomas is off to see the Sydn*y FC play tonight as their season is starting up (maybe our weekends will include sport!)
- I am just loving facebook. I am playing Scrabble with an old highschool friend who I usually have email contact with twice a year. I am really loving this
- Al has almost mastered all of the things all those check-lists say he should have mastered by the time he is 4.5 months old. He can't roll yet.
- He has decided that sleeping is best done in short spurts. We are trying to convince him otherwise.
- He has also found is thumb - he finds it alot now
- Gaye is managing to work from home and parent a 4.5 month old. She is very very clever.
- We are looking forward to Al's baptism - which everyone we invited seems to be coming (despite the fact that we actually invited all those interstate relatives with the aim of being inclusive but with no expectation that they would actually come) we need to come up with a more serious menu and plan for the day as a result.
- I asked Thomas if he thought Gaye and I should have some sort of ceremony like a wedding. He said that we were already married to each other and you can't just go around getting married over and over because you feel like it... I said I thought he was right about that...
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
The big little boy and the baby boy
Thomas is so caught between being a big and a little boy.
He was really happy to dress up as a Slytherian Quiditch player (thanks to my Mum's sewing skills) this morning for the annual book week parade at school, but way to cool to join in the dancing. He looked completely gorgeous today and he (by his actions) reminded me that we don't have to get things 'perfect' for our children to enjoy them. His cape was green but not the 'right' material for a Quiditch gown - and we didn't have all the gear that goes underneath, he styled himself and was thrilled to bits with the outcome - the cape, his wand, his broom and slicked back hair. Another day of Har*y P*tter! For all its other faults, I really really really like that my job 'allows' me the freedom to nick off at 11:30 for an hour or so to watch the book week parade.
Thomas is also pretty chuffed that he is reading his first novel (just like a grown-ups) to himself (as in not aloud) thou he still loves to be read too. He climbed into bed with us last night (yes we went to bed at 8!) to read alongside us stopping every few pages to ask what page we were up to in our respective novels.
He did return to his own bed to fall asleep only to return to ours around 11 after a nightmare*, Al wasn't all that keen on being returned to his cot after his feed at 2:30 either so we slept all together (well they slept - Gaye and I dozed between two boys imitating star fish) like sardines in our lovely big bed until 6:30 when Al decided wake-up time was called for and laughed and gurgled until we all woke.
The two boys then lay in front of the heater awhile (it has gone all cold and wet again in Sydney) Thomas reading his novel and Al trying to get his attention with calls and gurgles and laughs. I truly am loving this stage of our lives . . .
*I am of the strong suspicion that Thomas has worked out that a 'nightmare' gets him the rest of the night in bed with us. He seems remarkably unperturbed by these events and they seem to occur on cold nights more often. I think the reality is that he kicks the blankets off (still) and after awhile gets cold enough to wake up so comes where it is warm.
He was really happy to dress up as a Slytherian Quiditch player (thanks to my Mum's sewing skills) this morning for the annual book week parade at school, but way to cool to join in the dancing. He looked completely gorgeous today and he (by his actions) reminded me that we don't have to get things 'perfect' for our children to enjoy them. His cape was green but not the 'right' material for a Quiditch gown - and we didn't have all the gear that goes underneath, he styled himself and was thrilled to bits with the outcome - the cape, his wand, his broom and slicked back hair. Another day of Har*y P*tter! For all its other faults, I really really really like that my job 'allows' me the freedom to nick off at 11:30 for an hour or so to watch the book week parade.
Thomas is also pretty chuffed that he is reading his first novel (just like a grown-ups) to himself (as in not aloud) thou he still loves to be read too. He climbed into bed with us last night (yes we went to bed at 8!) to read alongside us stopping every few pages to ask what page we were up to in our respective novels.
He did return to his own bed to fall asleep only to return to ours around 11 after a nightmare*, Al wasn't all that keen on being returned to his cot after his feed at 2:30 either so we slept all together (well they slept - Gaye and I dozed between two boys imitating star fish) like sardines in our lovely big bed until 6:30 when Al decided wake-up time was called for and laughed and gurgled until we all woke.
The two boys then lay in front of the heater awhile (it has gone all cold and wet again in Sydney) Thomas reading his novel and Al trying to get his attention with calls and gurgles and laughs. I truly am loving this stage of our lives . . .
*I am of the strong suspicion that Thomas has worked out that a 'nightmare' gets him the rest of the night in bed with us. He seems remarkably unperturbed by these events and they seem to occur on cold nights more often. I think the reality is that he kicks the blankets off (still) and after awhile gets cold enough to wake up so comes where it is warm.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Forwards and backwards
I am a daggy old thing – this I have well and truly come to grips with. This week I bought tickets to the In*igo Gir*s who are coming to Sydney in November. I have been walking around singing their songs all week. And there is still 10 weeks to go! I am not a mad and crazy obsessed fan who doesn’t listen to anything else but I am, undeniably pleased to have tickets to the gig. (See I am so daggy I nearly wrote show!). My good friend Simon would be very unimpressed with me – he has a theory that we all just keep listening to the music or like-music that we are attracted to in our 20’s for our whole lives and that this is how we fall out of touch with our children and up-to date music. He has a whole blog about it – Stay Cool Dad – and I have tried and failed to get him to go with me to the upcoming P*lice tour – we were all obsessed in our youth!
We had a good weekend at our place. It is warm in Sydney and both boys were deeply in need of quiet and low key as they both have 'a bit of' a cold so our days were lazy ones around the house with soccer (3rd last for the season) scones with friends and walks in the park with the dog.
Last week my very first ‘true’ love got in contact with me. About three or four times a year I get a missive via email. It is usually about 3 paragraphs long – I always reply usually with many questions and then never hear back again until the next one which never answers the questions I asked. I will very frankly admit that an Irish accent can still make me go weak at the knees (literally) and for many (too many) years just seeing his email address would make my heart leap and sometimes I would wonder what would have happened if I had made different decisions in my life (We left each other on very good terms.).
Clearly I have, however, moved on (it is 20 years ago this year) as their was no reflection or heart leaping – nor has there been for a good long while - last week (actually not to be soppy but the only time my heart leapt last week was on a very beautiful day as I turned into our street on my walk home from work and Gaye came out of our house carrying Al and was walking down the street to meet me).
It was a week for old friends as last week I signed up for face*ook. It is kind of work related as I work with students and I am trying to keep in touch with what they are up to and how they communicate. But I just don’t get it yet… anyway I did find that a few people from my deep and distant past came looking for me (I haven't said yes to them being 'friends' yet) as well as some very good current friends and I can see it is handy for those quick update hello type moments - but so far I am liking the whole blog thing better. I sense I am meant to tie them all together, but I don’t think I am ready. I have done this blog thing semi-anonymously so far (we use our middle names and put no photos here for both our privacy and the boys). I'm just not ready to have my life out there yet and I think it would impact on what I would say but I also don't know if I can keep with maintaining all this media. We shall see perhaps I am ready to jump in to the abyss.
We had a good weekend at our place. It is warm in Sydney and both boys were deeply in need of quiet and low key as they both have 'a bit of' a cold so our days were lazy ones around the house with soccer (3rd last for the season) scones with friends and walks in the park with the dog.
Last week my very first ‘true’ love got in contact with me. About three or four times a year I get a missive via email. It is usually about 3 paragraphs long – I always reply usually with many questions and then never hear back again until the next one which never answers the questions I asked. I will very frankly admit that an Irish accent can still make me go weak at the knees (literally) and for many (too many) years just seeing his email address would make my heart leap and sometimes I would wonder what would have happened if I had made different decisions in my life (We left each other on very good terms.).
Clearly I have, however, moved on (it is 20 years ago this year) as their was no reflection or heart leaping – nor has there been for a good long while - last week (actually not to be soppy but the only time my heart leapt last week was on a very beautiful day as I turned into our street on my walk home from work and Gaye came out of our house carrying Al and was walking down the street to meet me).
It was a week for old friends as last week I signed up for face*ook. It is kind of work related as I work with students and I am trying to keep in touch with what they are up to and how they communicate. But I just don’t get it yet… anyway I did find that a few people from my deep and distant past came looking for me (I haven't said yes to them being 'friends' yet) as well as some very good current friends and I can see it is handy for those quick update hello type moments - but so far I am liking the whole blog thing better. I sense I am meant to tie them all together, but I don’t think I am ready. I have done this blog thing semi-anonymously so far (we use our middle names and put no photos here for both our privacy and the boys). I'm just not ready to have my life out there yet and I think it would impact on what I would say but I also don't know if I can keep with maintaining all this media. We shall see perhaps I am ready to jump in to the abyss.
Monday, August 06, 2007
back from the snow
For a moment there last week, my (relatively small) family was spread across three states. Gaye and Al were in QLD, getting a head start on me as I was joining them that evening so I was in NSW. Thomas was at the snow in Victoria skiing with his Dad. I am not that good at all being spread out about the place. I prefer my family (especially my boys) within reaching distance 'just in case.'
But Thomas is back now - hooray! The days drag along a bit when he is away, and now that his Dad has ENGAGED (after being pretty part-time and slap dash - thou very loving I have to say - about it until he got married last year) with spending time with him, I am constantly challenged by Thomas being away more than I would like or am used to.
Thomas is getting to do some fabulous things, he is really enjoying himself and I know it is THE BEST thing for them to have a strong relationship (still a small part of me wishes he would just take it down a notch!).
This afternoon we are going out to replace Dash the goldfish we managed to keep alive for the last four years. He was Thomas' first pet and there was considerable sadness at his passing. I was chided by both Gaye and Thomas when suggesting just days after his death and toilet based funeral that we might like to buy another. But apparently the grief has eased now and we are ready to move on.
Al is of course a complete joy. 17 weeks, smiling and laughing. He is the biggest chatter box and likes to ensure he has our FULL attention while conversing. It is so lovely having a young baby in the house.
So lovely in fact that we have begun discussions of 'what next?' Should Gaye have a go again with those 'girls at boarding school' (Em-os in the freezer). Should I try (how will that be for Thomas being the much older sibling of two babies and one of them born from me) and if I do am I meant to use the Em-os that are made from Gaye's eggs before I make some more of my own???
These questions will be discussed at length (no doubt) over the coming months until decisions are made ....
But Thomas is back now - hooray! The days drag along a bit when he is away, and now that his Dad has ENGAGED (after being pretty part-time and slap dash - thou very loving I have to say - about it until he got married last year) with spending time with him, I am constantly challenged by Thomas being away more than I would like or am used to.
Thomas is getting to do some fabulous things, he is really enjoying himself and I know it is THE BEST thing for them to have a strong relationship (still a small part of me wishes he would just take it down a notch!).
This afternoon we are going out to replace Dash the goldfish we managed to keep alive for the last four years. He was Thomas' first pet and there was considerable sadness at his passing. I was chided by both Gaye and Thomas when suggesting just days after his death and toilet based funeral that we might like to buy another. But apparently the grief has eased now and we are ready to move on.
Al is of course a complete joy. 17 weeks, smiling and laughing. He is the biggest chatter box and likes to ensure he has our FULL attention while conversing. It is so lovely having a young baby in the house.
So lovely in fact that we have begun discussions of 'what next?' Should Gaye have a go again with those 'girls at boarding school' (Em-os in the freezer). Should I try (how will that be for Thomas being the much older sibling of two babies and one of them born from me) and if I do am I meant to use the Em-os that are made from Gaye's eggs before I make some more of my own???
These questions will be discussed at length (no doubt) over the coming months until decisions are made ....
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
I haven't written for awhile. We have been on holidays. We drove north towards the sun (well sunnier) weather and had a fabulous ten days in Gaye's parents grey-nomad van. Fully equipped with plasma tv, dvd, fridge, oven and microwave it was a lovely break away from the every day. There isn't much to report from the holiday - we walked, swam, drank coffee, watched dvd's, had a ride on a ferry, played outdoor checkers. But it was a lovely time all the same.
I am two days back at work and missing both boys alot. Thomas is back at school yesterday and we are counting the sleeps until our Harry Potter Wizards Express weekend (three sleeps now).
Al is growing fast and doing all the things you would want him to do - chatting away to us at every opportunity. He is completely engaged with both Thomas and I now - recognising our voices and faces and wanting our attention. Yesterday we lay in bed in the morning - all four of us - bemoaning the end of our holiday and the cold weather we have returned to. Al and Thomas were in the middle of Gaye and I and Al was 'talking' ten to the dozen. When Thomas turned away from him Al would reach out and pat Thomas back at the same time making very loud attention seeking sounds. Much giggling and repeating followed.
Thomas and I went into town on Monday to buy new thermals and the like for his ski trip in two weeks with his Dad. (Well, that was the cover story - we did do that but we also bought Gaye's birthday present). Thomas looked so big walking along with me - chatting away about all sorts of potential disasters (what would you do if I fell on to the train tracks? what should I do if I see a robber? etc etc). He is caught between being a pre-teen and a little boy still. Declaring the stripey thermals dorky (choosing basic black - what can I say he is an inner city boy) but at the same time saying 'tooken' instead of 'taken', 'remember me Mum" instead of 'remind me Mum' and 'fastly' instead of 'quickly' and skipping at the sight of his favourite and promised fast-food lunch. And while I love and am so proud of him as he seeks independence - I adore these little boy moments.
I am two days back at work and missing both boys alot. Thomas is back at school yesterday and we are counting the sleeps until our Harry Potter Wizards Express weekend (three sleeps now).
Al is growing fast and doing all the things you would want him to do - chatting away to us at every opportunity. He is completely engaged with both Thomas and I now - recognising our voices and faces and wanting our attention. Yesterday we lay in bed in the morning - all four of us - bemoaning the end of our holiday and the cold weather we have returned to. Al and Thomas were in the middle of Gaye and I and Al was 'talking' ten to the dozen. When Thomas turned away from him Al would reach out and pat Thomas back at the same time making very loud attention seeking sounds. Much giggling and repeating followed.
Thomas and I went into town on Monday to buy new thermals and the like for his ski trip in two weeks with his Dad. (Well, that was the cover story - we did do that but we also bought Gaye's birthday present). Thomas looked so big walking along with me - chatting away about all sorts of potential disasters (what would you do if I fell on to the train tracks? what should I do if I see a robber? etc etc). He is caught between being a pre-teen and a little boy still. Declaring the stripey thermals dorky (choosing basic black - what can I say he is an inner city boy) but at the same time saying 'tooken' instead of 'taken', 'remember me Mum" instead of 'remind me Mum' and 'fastly' instead of 'quickly' and skipping at the sight of his favourite and promised fast-food lunch. And while I love and am so proud of him as he seeks independence - I adore these little boy moments.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
jobs
I'm kind of bored to be honest. Bored at work. I have been this way for awhile now - kind of bored. There are good things about my job. It is so close to home I can pop home for lunch . it is so close to school I can do reading and it is like I have popped out for a coffee. There is lots and lots of sick leave (10 weeks per year!) which can be used as parenting/carers leave. My boss is okay - good about the personal stuff but pretty unpredictable and rather controlling about the work stuff. Which is, well, annoying at this (skilled) stage of my life.
Soooo - what to do? I have been here 15 months. (Did I mention that once I cross over to two years it is 20 weeks paid maternity leave NOT that I am thinking very much about getting pregnant). 15 months when most of my jobs have last a couple of years at least. My last agency I was in for almost four years thou I changed jobs in that time. My point being it doesn't look too bad on the CV - 15 months I mean. Do I stick with the slightly boring, slightly annoying job and boss with issues I keep trying to care about (but don't) with completely fabulous conditions or do I move on??
Gaye thinks I should find something else that I like more, Gaye's mum thinks I should wear it as it is so good family wise. My Dad loves the status of the organisation I work for....
I have an interview today for a job in a private company. I haven't worked in a private company before - what they do is try and get business to support community organisations and mentor social entrepreneurs. I'd be the research and evaluation girl and they said I could work from home two days a week. Sounds ok...huh? But is has taken them 10 weeks to get this far in the process and I am a bit worried it will be just like here. A bit boring, not quite enough to keep me busy. This is my today task - to interview them as well as they interview me!
Plus - a job I think I would like has come up at my old agency. I did like working there and I think I could do it. +++ good money, some interstate travel, might be a bit more interesting. -- less time at home, school reading etc etc would be a wash out.
It is the whole work life balance thing. Do you think it is to much to expect, interesting job, reasonable hours and good pay?
Soooo - what to do? I have been here 15 months. (Did I mention that once I cross over to two years it is 20 weeks paid maternity leave NOT that I am thinking very much about getting pregnant). 15 months when most of my jobs have last a couple of years at least. My last agency I was in for almost four years thou I changed jobs in that time. My point being it doesn't look too bad on the CV - 15 months I mean. Do I stick with the slightly boring, slightly annoying job and boss with issues I keep trying to care about (but don't) with completely fabulous conditions or do I move on??
Gaye thinks I should find something else that I like more, Gaye's mum thinks I should wear it as it is so good family wise. My Dad loves the status of the organisation I work for....
I have an interview today for a job in a private company. I haven't worked in a private company before - what they do is try and get business to support community organisations and mentor social entrepreneurs. I'd be the research and evaluation girl and they said I could work from home two days a week. Sounds ok...huh? But is has taken them 10 weeks to get this far in the process and I am a bit worried it will be just like here. A bit boring, not quite enough to keep me busy. This is my today task - to interview them as well as they interview me!
Plus - a job I think I would like has come up at my old agency. I did like working there and I think I could do it. +++ good money, some interstate travel, might be a bit more interesting. -- less time at home, school reading etc etc would be a wash out.
It is the whole work life balance thing. Do you think it is to much to expect, interesting job, reasonable hours and good pay?
Friday, June 08, 2007
Beyond ...
I am beyond tired, beyond worn out, beyond anything. I just want to crawl into bed and never get out. This cold has taken hold of me and I feel like it is never going to leave. Gaye’s got it to now. Samuel and Thomas a coughing occasionally but almost better. Thomas didn’t want to go to school this morning – he was playing on his bed with lego and I nearly said okay.
We have had him for the whole week as his dad is away – and it is so lovely. I wish he were with me all the time. Most years I have had at least a month where his Dad has gone away – but not this year – in fact he is wanting more and more time with him as he gets older, which is a bit depressing. Still he spends most of his time with us and all of his weekends – I try and keep my mind on that.
A quiet weekend ahead – that is my plan. I have cancelled everything and everyone and am planning lots of rest and board games!
We have had him for the whole week as his dad is away – and it is so lovely. I wish he were with me all the time. Most years I have had at least a month where his Dad has gone away – but not this year – in fact he is wanting more and more time with him as he gets older, which is a bit depressing. Still he spends most of his time with us and all of his weekends – I try and keep my mind on that.
A quiet weekend ahead – that is my plan. I have cancelled everything and everyone and am planning lots of rest and board games!
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
fear, relief, exhausted
I have been planning on writing this post all morning, but I just couldn't think of what to call it and then I just decided to go with the feelings of the last week.
Last Wednesday night around 10:30 we took Al to hospital as his breathing was pretty rugger ed, and having a history of asthma in the family we thought he might need some assistance. We took him to the local 24 hour GP clinic and he was transferred by ambulance to the great big children's hospital with Gaye in the ambulance and me following along in the car behind.
At this point he seemed sick but OK but they insisted on the ambulance as they said 'babies this small can go down hill very fast' they were right. At 11:00 they put him on oxygen, at 1:00 am he stopped feeding very much, at 3:00 he showed no interest at all in feeding. At 4:00 I finally convinced Gaye to have a rest in a chair next to the bed, we had been up all the night and he had been restless with his cold all week, it was clear she was going to have to stay in hospital with him for at least a few days. She fell to sleep and I sat in a chair with Al in my arms watching him. Suddenly his stats dropped, the machines went off and he went completely limp in my arms, I called to Gaye to get the nurse, she woke up to see him completely limp and clearly not breathing, the nurses and doctors came running. He got himself breathing again. This happened again four more times in the next hour. It was terrifying, I cannot say how terrifying. My knees literally knocked, my heart was in my mouth the whole time. I was completely full of fear. I am trying to forget the way he looked at that moment and Gaye's face in the following hours and days.
They put him on a drip (Gaye cried as much as he as the cannula went in) and took blood.
We found out from the specialist later that when small babies get this virus their brains can swell and they can forget to breathe.
He came home yesterday after 5 nights in hospital and five days of oxygen and iv fluids so his system was supported while he fought the virus. He is much much better, but still not himself completely, he has a dreadful cough. He has lost some weight and some muscle tone. But he is improving everyday.
I went out and bought one of those hideously expensive baby monitors that monitor the baby breathing, we didn't think we would sleep without it. We also bought another heater (outrageously expensive) as the Dr said we have to keep the house at 21 degrees. My credit card is full to bursting. But right now I would sell anything I have to make sure that doesn't happen again.
Gaye is sick now too, I am still unwell, Thomas has a cough we are all exhausted. But we are home and together and it will all be okay.
Last Wednesday night around 10:30 we took Al to hospital as his breathing was pretty rugger ed, and having a history of asthma in the family we thought he might need some assistance. We took him to the local 24 hour GP clinic and he was transferred by ambulance to the great big children's hospital with Gaye in the ambulance and me following along in the car behind.
At this point he seemed sick but OK but they insisted on the ambulance as they said 'babies this small can go down hill very fast' they were right. At 11:00 they put him on oxygen, at 1:00 am he stopped feeding very much, at 3:00 he showed no interest at all in feeding. At 4:00 I finally convinced Gaye to have a rest in a chair next to the bed, we had been up all the night and he had been restless with his cold all week, it was clear she was going to have to stay in hospital with him for at least a few days. She fell to sleep and I sat in a chair with Al in my arms watching him. Suddenly his stats dropped, the machines went off and he went completely limp in my arms, I called to Gaye to get the nurse, she woke up to see him completely limp and clearly not breathing, the nurses and doctors came running. He got himself breathing again. This happened again four more times in the next hour. It was terrifying, I cannot say how terrifying. My knees literally knocked, my heart was in my mouth the whole time. I was completely full of fear. I am trying to forget the way he looked at that moment and Gaye's face in the following hours and days.
They put him on a drip (Gaye cried as much as he as the cannula went in) and took blood.
We found out from the specialist later that when small babies get this virus their brains can swell and they can forget to breathe.
He came home yesterday after 5 nights in hospital and five days of oxygen and iv fluids so his system was supported while he fought the virus. He is much much better, but still not himself completely, he has a dreadful cough. He has lost some weight and some muscle tone. But he is improving everyday.
I went out and bought one of those hideously expensive baby monitors that monitor the baby breathing, we didn't think we would sleep without it. We also bought another heater (outrageously expensive) as the Dr said we have to keep the house at 21 degrees. My credit card is full to bursting. But right now I would sell anything I have to make sure that doesn't happen again.
Gaye is sick now too, I am still unwell, Thomas has a cough we are all exhausted. But we are home and together and it will all be okay.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Thomas’ latest
We are all not all that well.
Al has his first cold (not a milestone you prefer your baby to meet at 6 weeks), Thomas has is first cough for the season (so I guess that would make it about his 21st or 22nd cold in his life) and I have joined in for good measure, Gaye has her period. How unfair is that – fully breastfed baby at 6 weeks old and getting your period only a couple of weeks after the postnatal bleeding stops.
___________________________________________________________
But while I remember I want to record Thomas’ latest incorrect and correct use of words and terms:
‘In true life' This is used as a question as in ‘is that in true life mum?’ and as a statement ‘in true life he won it’
Perpends which is a mispronunciation of depends but is used in trying to get something done ‘does it perpend mum?’ or ‘ it perpends how I think of it later”
Unlikely “I might be the tallest man in the world when I grow up Mum don’t you think?” “hmmm I doubt it darling” “I am already as tall as eleven Mum, its unlikely but I could be in the Guinness book of records for being the tallest, its unlikely but I could”
Al has his first cold (not a milestone you prefer your baby to meet at 6 weeks), Thomas has is first cough for the season (so I guess that would make it about his 21st or 22nd cold in his life) and I have joined in for good measure, Gaye has her period. How unfair is that – fully breastfed baby at 6 weeks old and getting your period only a couple of weeks after the postnatal bleeding stops.
___________________________________________________________
But while I remember I want to record Thomas’ latest incorrect and correct use of words and terms:
‘In true life' This is used as a question as in ‘is that in true life mum?’ and as a statement ‘in true life he won it’
Perpends which is a mispronunciation of depends but is used in trying to get something done ‘does it perpend mum?’ or ‘ it perpends how I think of it later”
Unlikely “I might be the tallest man in the world when I grow up Mum don’t you think?” “hmmm I doubt it darling” “I am already as tall as eleven Mum, its unlikely but I could be in the Guinness book of records for being the tallest, its unlikely but I could”
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Hairstory
This is a very important post. I can't decide if I should get my hair cut or not and I need help.
There is history (hairstory?) so let me fill you in before you help me make this decision.
For most of my life I have had short hair, the last time I had really long hair was when I was 21 and it was very long and the natural curl in it was - um - 'enhanced' by a perm. Sometime after 21 and before 22 I cut it short. It has been short all of the time since then. Sometimes down to my ears but mainly very very short.
Gaye also has very very short hair and did when I met her. And although this shouldn't concern me a bit that we have similar (they aren't the same but people do tend to lump short hair cuts in together) hair but on some level it does. The lesbian urge to merge thing I think.
Still it wasn't enough to inspire me to do anything with my hair until about a year ago when I suddenly thought - I am thirty-seven if I don't grow my hair one more time before I get grey and one of those funky short grey haircuts are the go I will regret it. So I started growing it. Plus someone in my street confused Gaye and I and I thought I want to make a distinction. OK plus Alice on the L Word was wearing pigtails and I thought I want some of those!
I decided not to be to tough on myself and so had plenty of haircuts along the way trying to avoid as much as possible the difficult bits, but it was still pretty trying. Anyway it is long now. And although I have been saying this for about six months and it hasn't actually been true, it is now true that I have hair that people would describe as long. As in 'she is the one with long red curly hair.'
Here is the thing thou:
So a couple of weeks ago I made an appointment to have it cut off. It is next week.
But now I am thinking maybe I should live with it a bit longer, (lose weight and then do it?) cause suddenly it isn't looking or feeling so bad.
What to do internets? What to do?
There is history (hairstory?) so let me fill you in before you help me make this decision.
For most of my life I have had short hair, the last time I had really long hair was when I was 21 and it was very long and the natural curl in it was - um - 'enhanced' by a perm. Sometime after 21 and before 22 I cut it short. It has been short all of the time since then. Sometimes down to my ears but mainly very very short.
Gaye also has very very short hair and did when I met her. And although this shouldn't concern me a bit that we have similar (they aren't the same but people do tend to lump short hair cuts in together) hair but on some level it does. The lesbian urge to merge thing I think.
Still it wasn't enough to inspire me to do anything with my hair until about a year ago when I suddenly thought - I am thirty-seven if I don't grow my hair one more time before I get grey and one of those funky short grey haircuts are the go I will regret it. So I started growing it. Plus someone in my street confused Gaye and I and I thought I want to make a distinction. OK plus Alice on the L Word was wearing pigtails and I thought I want some of those!
I decided not to be to tough on myself and so had plenty of haircuts along the way trying to avoid as much as possible the difficult bits, but it was still pretty trying. Anyway it is long now. And although I have been saying this for about six months and it hasn't actually been true, it is now true that I have hair that people would describe as long. As in 'she is the one with long red curly hair.'
Here is the thing thou:
- I am actually not sure that it suits me long
- I don't know how to 'do' things with long hair and feel self conscious when I do things like pigtails
- I am not feeling all that good about myself (hence returning somewhat to WW recently - gawd now I have put that on the blog I will actually have to keep going) and wonder is it because my hair doesn't feel like me.
- The upkeep is much more intense than short hair, well actually I do the same as I did (shower, towel dry, product, out the door) but the consistency of results are not the same!
So a couple of weeks ago I made an appointment to have it cut off. It is next week.
But now I am thinking maybe I should live with it a bit longer, (lose weight and then do it?) cause suddenly it isn't looking or feeling so bad.
What to do internets? What to do?
Monday, May 21, 2007
he
- has put on something like 1.5 kilos since birth
- is smiling regularly
- is holding his head well
- is confusing night and day sometimes taking his longest sleeps during the day
- still pooing and weeing like a trouper keeping the the washing machine going constantly
- has dreadful hormonal rash and crusty bits on his head that require regular attention
- has made such a place in our hearts and our family that at 5 weeks I can't remember for the life of me what our lives were like before he came
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