Advent

We have entered into the Christmas spirit and our advent calendar full of activities with the tree up and Santa photos taken, our home is awash with Christmas cards that are half made and half written. It is Al's first Christmas but Thomas is awash with the traditions and must haves during the Christmas season. He has joined up all of our individual family traditions and made them his own. The things he enjoys the most are the 'doing things' that involve us all like:

• each of us picking out a new decoration for our tree and Thomas picking one for his Dad's and one for my Mum's. This is a tradition that dates from my childhood and my parents tree (before they lost everything in the fire) was heavy with memories from childhood, early 20s travel and friends and relatives who visited for one Christmas or another as each trip or visit involved the adding of decorations to the tree. This year he picked up one for his brother and our tree is starting to look nice and full - I am looking forward to being an old lady and enjoying all those memories again. I will have a very strong memory from this year of Al rolling over and over from his spot in the middle of the room so he is lying under the decorated tree watching with huge eyes the lights and reaching up with all his might to grab a unreachable glowing star or twinkly ball.
  
• stirring the pudding mixture and making a wish. This comes from my Dad's side of the family and Thomas has been involved every year in a pudding stirring. Some years when we won't see my folks around Christmas my Mum makes a pudding in November, this year she is saving one for the 21/12 when we will be there so he (and we) can have our annual wish. The last two years Gaye and I have wished for a baby and then his healthy arrival. Until a week or so ago I felt like I wouldn't know what to wish for this year - but now I shall wish for their ongoing health and happiness.
• visiting Santa (includes photo - thou Thomas did in fact refuse to have his photo with that strangely dressed big man from aged 3 - 5 so there are a couple of years missing) and writing his note and leaving out some of my birthday cake for him at night
• decorating the tree - which has been brought back to the first week in December as that is Gaye's tradition - which also must involve the playing of Christmas music (that's me) and now the decorating of the house (this is all Gaye and Thomas - who each respectfully love the 'tack' and 'beauty' of the Christmas lights)
• buying a present to go under the wishing tree for a child whose parents can't give them Christmas
• the making of a Christmas decoration - this year we are making chains of cardboard into reindeer's and Santa's. Complicated but good fun.
• a picnic one night some where where there is carols by candlelight - some years we do the big thing in town - some years the local park or church
  

Rather endearingly Thomas enjoys the talking of what to get for others just as much as what he might get himself - possibly more. Gaye and Al have been away for a couple of days visiting and he is longing for her return so they can go for a walk and discuss at length (again) the birthday and Christmas possibilities.

We have also promised Thomas this year a drive in the middle of the night to look at houses where people 'go crazy' with their lights. We will also walk our neighbour hood on Christmas Eve - but it doesn't seem like our (slightly more inner city and groovy) neighbours are as enthusiastic as our old neighbourhood was.

Thomas has an advent calendar of course - it is day 11 today and he is sure it is going to take FOREVER to get to day 25!

Today I attended the funeral of one of Thomas' classmates. He was just 6 years old and only had a very short illness. I actually don't know what he died of (there are many stories going around school) but I understand he fought hard. I was moved by the service and a bit in awe of his mother who spoke so eloquently of her boy. My heart breaks of her and the rest of his family and the sight of that small coffin was overwhelming.

His sudden death has haunted me all week - as it would I think of any mother of a small boy. I am sitting here at my desk with his service notes in front of me and their is a photo taken sometime recently on the front of his grinning face.

We are trying to help Thomas understand that yes children do die but he can still feel safe in the world.

But mostly today - everyday - I thank the goddess that both my boys are well.

another childhood milestone

I was going to be at a conference this week. Not a fabulous conference but it was in another state and staying in a hotel where breakfast in bed would be an everyday event for three whole days. When someone else would be making my bed and where I would get to look at new shops and of-course of-course learn new and interesting things from the conference and I would be away from my boss for awhile – which would be a nice break – the two of us need one from each other at the moment..

But alas no, I am not … I am at home – I am in the office.

I am at home and in the office because Thomas fell out of a tree on Friday night while we were at the park celebrating Lightning’s First Birthday (Which involved making a liver and rice flour birthday cake and making up dog and kid treat bags a couple of bottles of bubbly and some biccies and dips at the park with hmm 15 friends and 10 dogs. The party was very Thomas’ idea who also said in the lead up “well we will be celebrating Al’s first birthday won’t we? So why wouldn’t we celebrate Lightning’s he is part of our family” and “how many years do you think it will take Lightning to understand that it is his birthday in November”) and broke his arm.

I make light of it now because he is okay. He has a shoulder to wrist cast which is along the back of his arm. His full cast will go on tomorrow. But it is the “best kind” of break as it is in alignment. He is still in a bit of pain my poor darling and not sleeping all that well … and a tough few weeks ahead missing out on all sorts of things at school which is very sad.

But as my work friends have said it is a right of child hood and at least he did it in the normal way – falling out of a tree.

Thomas' Christmas talk

My celebration to talk about is Christmas.

Before Christmas we make the pudding. When I make the pudding we do it at Paule’s house with my cousins. We make a wish when we stir the pudding. Then on Christmas Day we eat the pudding.

We also decorate the tree. I decorate two trees one with Dad and H and one with Mum and Gaye. This year Al and Lightning will be there too.

My Dad grows a tree in a pot, my Mum tried to but she always killed them so now we get a fresh tree which is big.

We put milk and beer and my Mum’s birthday cake out for Santa and big juicy carrots for the reindeers. We read The Night Before Christmas before I go to bed. My Grandpa knows all the words.

There is lots of different music for Christmas and I like it because you only sing it when it is Christmas.

I like Christmas because it is a happy day

the craziness seems to be starting early

Just as all those Christmas decorations start to come earlier and earlier each year so does the socialising 'we must catch up before Christmas'

Fortunately for Gaye and I we are simultaneously emerging from new-baby fog and quite enjoying the times with friends and getting out and about.

This weekend flew by - aided by Thomas' Dad quiting his job and being available on weekends for the first time in 6 or 7 years (not sure how I feel about this) and so coming to pick him up and take him to a surfing lesson on Saturday afternoon. We also helped out at the school fete and caught up with friends for dinner on Saturday night for dinner with what seemed like an army of children and adults but I think was only 11 in total. We had brunch at other friends on Sunday morning - a friendship that is in the process of being re-newed and enjoyed a swim at the famous but completely overwhelming Bon*di Beach.

Al is really into his solids now - loving chicken and pumpkin mashed together ALOT. He is sitting for a few moments at a time and starting to really enjoy games like peek a boo.

Thomas continues to follow the election with interest (more than me if truth be told - I feel sure we are going to get another go of our current prime minister) he can't believe we haven't voted yet...it has seemed like a very long campaign.

cup

Today I found myself having breakfast with Thomas and checking out the form-guide. It must be Cup Day. I am not a fan of the horse riding myself - but it seems in very bad form not to lightly engage what is a national past time. I admit to feeling slightly uncomfortable about doing it thou - it is weird how gambling is OK in this context. Is it a good message do you think? - it is okay to bet occasionally as long as you realise you might lose the money... Anyway he chose Purple Moon because the rider had won twice before and I agreed to go with his choice too. His Dad who does not bet at any other time of the year has always bet on the Cup and mostly he wins. This is the message I got post race on my mobile phone:

Hi Mum I finally won in second place, Purple Moon came second. I don't how much money is. DAD DIDN'T WIN THIS TIME (exaggerated tone) but you would have won of course because Purple Moon came second unless you did a first bet which wouldn't be too smart. Anyway Dad lost $20.00, $20.00 (exaggerated tone). So that's that bye,

plates and braces are cool Muma

So ... for the last six months we have been visiting orthodontist with Thomas. For first and second opinions about when and where and what he is going to need in orthodontic treatment. We started out with the world known where it was like going to a braces factory and worked our way to nice and kind and sensible local orthodontist. All we spoke to said the same thing - it isn't a question of if but a question of when and the sooner the better.

So after much agonising (which I won't bore you with - except to say that this has been recommended as the least painful route and most likely to end in least intervention) we decided to start now.

Thomas has been dreading it and so have I (OK so I have post braces issues from my youth). So today was the day and I got myself into a frenzy of organisation to ensure that all possibilities were covered - day off school, half a day off school, Panadol etc etc.

And he has decided they are cool...

meant to be

Sometimes things just feel like they are meant to be. For the last few months Gaye and I have been agonising over how to best manage care of Al when she works. We would prefer it if we could be at home with him (at least one of us!) and so Gaye has (after running out of leave and savings) undetaken the majority of her work from home. She has to go to meetings a bit at the office but we have managed this hour or two through the lovely Aunty Lou or him coming to work with me or going with Gaye and a couple of occasions when our folks were in town. But it is becoming a bit hard on Gaye to actually get her work done - what we needed was someone who could be around to help out.

The thing is we didn't want to leave him with anyone we didn't know - we have wished we had a grandma down the road to drop him in with for a little awhile or another friend with a smallish baby looking for a bit of a swap.

The other day on the bus to work I ran into a young man (I sound so old saying that!) who I have known through my dearest friends most of his life. My dearest friends - and parenting gurus - donated sperm to both his mothers 20 years and 17 years ago and the two boys they had have grown up closely as extended family with the two girls my dearest friends had 19 and 15 years ago. Way before everyone was doing it - they were. Although I don't spend much time with his mothers when we do get together we are completely up to date on each other and our kids as our mutual friend's keep us in the loop and I have spent time with the boys often when I have been at my friend's home.

Anyway I went home and talked to Gaye about seeing him - he has grown into a lovely man. He has taken on lots of responsibilities in his life for others in his family who are vulnerable and is kind and easy to talk to. Anyway we looked at each other and said 'what about him for Al'

I just rang him and he is keen. Gaye will be at home most of the time when he is there and I am only two minutes up the road when she is not. I completely trust him to be kind and sensible at all times.

Don't you think it is kind of gorgeous that our baby boy with two mothers is going to be babysat by a grown boy of two mothers!

For my family ... I will be voting Green

Six Months

Al is six months old and completely gorgeous.

He smiles and laughs whenever we walk past - even if it is 2 minutes since he last saw us. His personality is really emerging, he is a relaxed and calm baby - like his mother.

We found out last week after (another) scary trip to emergency that he is allergic to wheat and eggs and so are adapting Gaye's (and therefore all of our) diets appropriately. As well as recognising that introduction to food will go slowly slowly in our place

He loves his solid food - pears and rice and potatoes so far. And is enjoying having a cup of water - to the point of crying if it is taken away which is pretty funny since he really doesn't cry about much else.

Al moved into the bedroom next door last week, as an attempt to discourage him from calling for room service quite so often. Which has improved Gaye's sleep somewhat.

Rather (completely) endearingly, Thomas has insisted on moving his bed into the same room so he can sleep next to his brother (and turning his bedroom into a playroom).

Lets go green then

I find myself slightly flummoxed that I am hoping like crazy that the finally called election results in a fairly right-wing left gets in, rather than the horror that is the current government getting another term. It is a case of better than bad I guess.

Thomas’ take on the election is going keep us amused. We have had many conversations already about voting and policies. And how there are two big parties and some smaller ones. He thinks of it like a football game (perhaps it is)…If only it were as easy as this to get other people around to my ideas…

“So Mum, who are you going for?”
“Labor honey”
“Not Mr Howard?”
“No – not Mr Howard, Mr Rudd?”
“So – you like Mr Rudd?”
“I like what he believes in better than what Mr Howard believes in”
“Like the taxes going on schools making them better that stuff”
“Yep that is the sort of thing”
“OK so we are going for the Labors?”
“Yep and the Greens”
“Who is the boss of the Green’s”
“Bob Brown”
“Do you like Bob Brown?”
“I really really like Bob Brown”
"He is the one who likes garden's isn't he?but his Greens are too small to win on their own"
"Yep thats them"
“OK, well I think I will go for the Greens and Labor too”

This morning there was a cartoon of Howard and Rudd dressed as B1 and B2 with a small Costello next to Howard. He asked if it was Howard’s son and I explained that Howard was planning to hand over his leadership half way through his term. “You got to be kidding, why don’t we get to vote about that then?”

An excellent point ….

Baby Charlotte

Many congratulations to Kelly and Sam at The Muriels http://themuriels.blogspot.com/ on the birth of their girl Charlotte.

Yay!

short and sweet

• Al is almost sitting - but he WILL NOT roll
• Thomas has hit five feet tall and fits into the size 12 clothes I bought him this weekend (he is 8) except he is so skinny ne needs to wear belts
• I found two pairs of pants that I liked and fit on the weekend and was feeling very good in them until one of the kids at school asked me if I had a baby in my belly - hmm back on that diet again
• the baptism approaches - it is looking kind of mad. Relatives coming from all sorts of states and cities. None of them have met before and it seems they will all be around for a week. Breathe for me
  

or

Maybe I am just scared. Scared of re-visiting my infertilty. That month by month failure. Maybe all the worry is just a mask for that

Upsetting the balance

I am a worrier. I worry. Normal mother/lover/sister/daughter/friend worry I do, plus I do a whole lot of extra worrying. Sometimes I think I need my own 12 step plan to manage it. Hello my name is XXX and I am a worrier. I have all sorts of worries, state of the world worries, health worries - making sure that garlic is actually from Australia and organic, personal worries - did I talk to much? to little... honestly the list is long long long.

One of my worries is upsetting the balance.

Life is pretty good for me. I have two beautiful boys to love and my lovely Gaye. But I want more – well as least I do some of the time. The rest of the time I worry about upsetting the balance.

The balance is the fine line of keeping everything okay. Like now for instance, Thomas is okay with Al – in fact he loves him. Al has a brother – albeit one who goes to his Dad’s a couple of nights a week (which I know is good but feels not so good!). Gaye and I are managing our workloads and bills and keeping on keeping on.

But really really I want another baby. I want to be pregnant again. I want to be the one at home with the baby. I loved being at home with a baby and I was pretty good at it too – not suffering from the boredom/loneliness etc that lots of other women experience when they are at home with a young baby. I liked it – mulching about with Thomas and I am forever grateful for those days (especially now he goes to his Dads). Anyway that is off the track – see the issue is really balance and my worry about it.

Why would I upset things when they are all good. I am 39 at the end of the year; my first baby will be 9 in February. Might it worry him to come and go from a household with two small babies, will he feel cast out from a 2nd family (right now he feels at the centre I believe – he himself strongly believes that he is Al’s favourite person for example). Will it tip things over the edge for us money wise (we would need a bigger house and car for example) and what do we do with those two e*bies on ice of Gaye's if it is me who gets pregnant. There are many reasons not to do it.

I always saw myself with a household of children, a family when grown that came together on a huge long table to feast in a household that they had grown up in on a table they had sat around many many times.

My life and Thomas' life have just not been like that so far. It was just us for awhile and although the houses we have lived in together we still have some connection too we don't live in them anymore and he goes between two homes.

Thomas has been the centre of my world for a very long time now and I did wonder about my ability to love another child in the same way - especially one I didn't carry. As it turns out I continue to stun myself with the ways in which I feel just the same about Al. In fact I bite my tongue all the time not to be over controlling about his care - given it is Gaye who is actually at home with him most of the time. It is hard for me to make a decision without judging what the potential impacts might be on Thomas and Al. And I worry about upsetting the balance.

I guess the thing with me these days is I do really see things can change so quickly and profoundly. My life does not resemble the life I thought I would have 10 years - even 5 years ago. That finding and keeping balance is actually a constant act of conscious behaviour. That in lots of ways our relationships are delicate beings that need to be handled gently and consistently. That I should be grateful for what I have...

This is a long and rambling post - and leads to no conclusion. But I do feel better for it....

Things

• it is the last day of the soccer season tomorrow and right now all the grounds are closed because it has been raining here in Sydney for about a week. After tomorrow our Saturdays won't start with sport for a whole 5 weeks - when swimming will start - we are looking forward to that ... but I have enjoyed being part of this new team with the lovely parents and kids on a Saturday morning and not having a role in organising anything!
• Thomas is off to see the Sydn*y FC play tonight as their season is starting up (maybe our weekends will include sport!)
• I am just loving facebook. I am playing Scrabble with an old highschool friend who I usually have email contact with twice a year. I am really loving this
• Al has almost mastered all of the things all those check-lists say he should have mastered by the time he is 4.5 months old. He can't roll yet.
• He has decided that sleeping is best done in short spurts. We are trying to convince him otherwise.
• He has also found is thumb - he finds it alot now
  
• Gaye is managing to work from home and parent a 4.5 month old. She is very very clever.
• We are looking forward to Al's baptism - which everyone we invited seems to be coming (despite the fact that we actually invited all those interstate relatives with the aim of being inclusive but with no expectation that they would actually come) we need to come up with a more serious menu and plan for the day as a result.
• I asked Thomas if he thought Gaye and I should have some sort of ceremony like a wedding. He said that we were already married to each other and you can't just go around getting married over and over because you feel like it... I said I thought he was right about that...
  

The big little boy and the baby boy

Thomas is so caught between being a big and a little boy.

He was really happy to dress up as a Slytherian Quiditch player (thanks to my Mum's sewing skills) this morning for the annual book week parade at school, but way to cool to join in the dancing. He looked completely gorgeous today and he (by his actions) reminded me that we don't have to get things 'perfect' for our children to enjoy them. His cape was green but not the 'right' material for a Quiditch gown - and we didn't have all the gear that goes underneath, he styled himself and was thrilled to bits with the outcome - the cape, his wand, his broom and slicked back hair. Another day of Har*y P*tter! For all its other faults, I really really really like that my job 'allows' me the freedom to nick off at 11:30 for an hour or so to watch the book week parade.

Thomas is also pretty chuffed that he is reading his first novel (just like a grown-ups) to himself (as in not aloud) thou he still loves to be read too. He climbed into bed with us last night (yes we went to bed at 8!) to read alongside us stopping every few pages to ask what page we were up to in our respective novels.

He did return to his own bed to fall asleep only to return to ours around 11 after a nightmare*, Al wasn't all that keen on being returned to his cot after his feed at 2:30 either so we slept all together (well they slept - Gaye and I dozed between two boys imitating star fish) like sardines in our lovely big bed until 6:30 when Al decided wake-up time was called for and laughed and gurgled until we all woke.

The two boys then lay in front of the heater awhile (it has gone all cold and wet again in Sydney) Thomas reading his novel and Al trying to get his attention with calls and gurgles and laughs. I truly am loving this stage of our lives . . .

*I am of the strong suspicion that Thomas has worked out that a 'nightmare' gets him the rest of the night in bed with us. He seems remarkably unperturbed by these events and they seem to occur on cold nights more often. I think the reality is that he kicks the blankets off (still) and after awhile gets cold enough to wake up so comes where it is warm.

Forwards and backwards

I am a daggy old thing – this I have well and truly come to grips with. This week I bought tickets to the In*igo Gir*s who are coming to Sydney in November. I have been walking around singing their songs all week. And there is still 10 weeks to go! I am not a mad and crazy obsessed fan who doesn’t listen to anything else but I am, undeniably pleased to have tickets to the gig. (See I am so daggy I nearly wrote show!). My good friend Simon would be very unimpressed with me – he has a theory that we all just keep listening to the music or like-music that we are attracted to in our 20’s for our whole lives and that this is how we fall out of touch with our children and up-to date music. He has a whole blog about it – Stay Cool Dad – and I have tried and failed to get him to go with me to the upcoming P*lice tour – we were all obsessed in our youth!

We had a good weekend at our place. It is warm in Sydney and both boys were deeply in need of quiet and low key as they both have 'a bit of' a cold so our days were lazy ones around the house with soccer (3rd last for the season) scones with friends and walks in the park with the dog.

Last week my very first ‘true’ love got in contact with me. About three or four times a year I get a missive via email. It is usually about 3 paragraphs long – I always reply usually with many questions and then never hear back again until the next one which never answers the questions I asked. I will very frankly admit that an Irish accent can still make me go weak at the knees (literally) and for many (too many) years just seeing his email address would make my heart leap and sometimes I would wonder what would have happened if I had made different decisions in my life (We left each other on very good terms.).

Clearly I have, however, moved on (it is 20 years ago this year) as their was no reflection or heart leaping – nor has there been for a good long while - last week (actually not to be soppy but the only time my heart leapt last week was on a very beautiful day as I turned into our street on my walk home from work and Gaye came out of our house carrying Al and was walking down the street to meet me).

It was a week for old friends as last week I signed up for face*ook. It is kind of work related as I work with students and I am trying to keep in touch with what they are up to and how they communicate. But I just don’t get it yet… anyway I did find that a few people from my deep and distant past came looking for me (I haven't said yes to them being 'friends' yet) as well as some very good current friends and I can see it is handy for those quick update hello type moments - but so far I am liking the whole blog thing better. I sense I am meant to tie them all together, but I don’t think I am ready. I have done this blog thing semi-anonymously so far (we use our middle names and put no photos here for both our privacy and the boys). I'm just not ready to have my life out there yet and I think it would impact on what I would say but I also don't know if I can keep with maintaining all this media. We shall see perhaps I am ready to jump in to the abyss.

back from the snow

For a moment there last week, my (relatively small) family was spread across three states. Gaye and Al were in QLD, getting a head start on me as I was joining them that evening so I was in NSW. Thomas was at the snow in Victoria skiing with his Dad. I am not that good at all being spread out about the place. I prefer my family (especially my boys) within reaching distance 'just in case.'

But Thomas is back now - hooray! The days drag along a bit when he is away, and now that his Dad has ENGAGED (after being pretty part-time and slap dash - thou very loving I have to say - about it until he got married last year) with spending time with him, I am constantly challenged by Thomas being away more than I would like or am used to.

Thomas is getting to do some fabulous things, he is really enjoying himself and I know it is THE BEST thing for them to have a strong relationship (still a small part of me wishes he would just take it down a notch!).

This afternoon we are going out to replace Dash the goldfish we managed to keep alive for the last four years. He was Thomas' first pet and there was considerable sadness at his passing. I was chided by both Gaye and Thomas when suggesting just days after his death and toilet based funeral that we might like to buy another. But apparently the grief has eased now and we are ready to move on.

Al is of course a complete joy. 17 weeks, smiling and laughing. He is the biggest chatter box and likes to ensure he has our FULL attention while conversing. It is so lovely having a young baby in the house.

So lovely in fact that we have begun discussions of 'what next?' Should Gaye have a go again with those 'girls at boarding school' (Em-os in the freezer). Should I try (how will that be for Thomas being the much older sibling of two babies and one of them born from me) and if I do am I meant to use the Em-os that are made from Gaye's eggs before I make some more of my own???

These questions will be discussed at length (no doubt) over the coming months until decisions are made ....

I haven't written for awhile. We have been on holidays. We drove north towards the sun (well sunnier) weather and had a fabulous ten days in Gaye's parents grey-nomad van. Fully equipped with plasma tv, dvd, fridge, oven and microwave it was a lovely break away from the every day. There isn't much to report from the holiday - we walked, swam, drank coffee, watched dvd's, had a ride on a ferry, played outdoor checkers. But it was a lovely time all the same.

I am two days back at work and missing both boys alot. Thomas is back at school yesterday and we are counting the sleeps until our Harry Potter Wizards Express weekend (three sleeps now).

Al is growing fast and doing all the things you would want him to do - chatting away to us at every opportunity. He is completely engaged with both Thomas and I now - recognising our voices and faces and wanting our attention. Yesterday we lay in bed in the morning - all four of us - bemoaning the end of our holiday and the cold weather we have returned to. Al and Thomas were in the middle of Gaye and I and Al was 'talking' ten to the dozen. When Thomas turned away from him Al would reach out and pat Thomas back at the same time making very loud attention seeking sounds. Much giggling and repeating followed.

Thomas and I went into town on Monday to buy new thermals and the like for his ski trip in two weeks with his Dad. (Well, that was the cover story - we did do that but we also bought Gaye's birthday present). Thomas looked so big walking along with me - chatting away about all sorts of potential disasters (what would you do if I fell on to the train tracks? what should I do if I see a robber? etc etc). He is caught between being a pre-teen and a little boy still. Declaring the stripey thermals dorky (choosing basic black - what can I say he is an inner city boy) but at the same time saying 'tooken' instead of 'taken', 'remember me Mum" instead of 'remind me Mum' and 'fastly' instead of 'quickly' and skipping at the sight of his favourite and promised fast-food lunch. And while I love and am so proud of him as he seeks independence - I adore these little boy moments.

jobs

I'm kind of bored to be honest. Bored at work. I have been this way for awhile now - kind of bored. There are good things about my job. It is so close to home I can pop home for lunch . it is so close to school I can do reading and it is like I have popped out for a coffee. There is lots and lots of sick leave (10 weeks per year!) which can be used as parenting/carers leave. My boss is okay - good about the personal stuff but pretty unpredictable and rather controlling about the work stuff. Which is, well, annoying at this (skilled) stage of my life.

Soooo - what to do? I have been here 15 months. (Did I mention that once I cross over to two years it is 20 weeks paid maternity leave NOT that I am thinking very much about getting pregnant). 15 months when most of my jobs have last a couple of years at least. My last agency I was in for almost four years thou I changed jobs in that time. My point being it doesn't look too bad on the CV - 15 months I mean. Do I stick with the slightly boring, slightly annoying job and boss with issues I keep trying to care about (but don't) with completely fabulous conditions or do I move on??

Gaye thinks I should find something else that I like more, Gaye's mum thinks I should wear it as it is so good family wise. My Dad loves the status of the organisation I work for....

I have an interview today for a job in a private company. I haven't worked in a private company before - what they do is try and get business to support community organisations and mentor social entrepreneurs. I'd be the research and evaluation girl and they said I could work from home two days a week. Sounds ok...huh? But is has taken them 10 weeks to get this far in the process and I am a bit worried it will be just like here. A bit boring, not quite enough to keep me busy. This is my today task - to interview them as well as they interview me!

Plus - a job I think I would like has come up at my old agency. I did like working there and I think I could do it. +++ good money, some interstate travel, might be a bit more interesting. -- less time at home, school reading etc etc would be a wash out.

It is the whole work life balance thing. Do you think it is to much to expect, interesting job, reasonable hours and good pay?

Beyond ...

I am beyond tired, beyond worn out, beyond anything. I just want to crawl into bed and never get out. This cold has taken hold of me and I feel like it is never going to leave. Gaye’s got it to now. Samuel and Thomas a coughing occasionally but almost better. Thomas didn’t want to go to school this morning – he was playing on his bed with lego and I nearly said okay.

We have had him for the whole week as his dad is away – and it is so lovely. I wish he were with me all the time. Most years I have had at least a month where his Dad has gone away – but not this year – in fact he is wanting more and more time with him as he gets older, which is a bit depressing. Still he spends most of his time with us and all of his weekends – I try and keep my mind on that.

A quiet weekend ahead – that is my plan. I have cancelled everything and everyone and am planning lots of rest and board games!

fear, relief, exhausted

I have been planning on writing this post all morning, but I just couldn't think of what to call it and then I just decided to go with the feelings of the last week.

Last Wednesday night around 10:30 we took Al to hospital as his breathing was pretty rugger ed, and having a history of asthma in the family we thought he might need some assistance. We took him to the local 24 hour GP clinic and he was transferred by ambulance to the great big children's hospital with Gaye in the ambulance and me following along in the car behind.

At this point he seemed sick but OK but they insisted on the ambulance as they said 'babies this small can go down hill very fast' they were right. At 11:00 they put him on oxygen, at 1:00 am he stopped feeding very much, at 3:00 he showed no interest at all in feeding. At 4:00 I finally convinced Gaye to have a rest in a chair next to the bed, we had been up all the night and he had been restless with his cold all week, it was clear she was going to have to stay in hospital with him for at least a few days. She fell to sleep and I sat in a chair with Al in my arms watching him. Suddenly his stats dropped, the machines went off and he went completely limp in my arms, I called to Gaye to get the nurse, she woke up to see him completely limp and clearly not breathing, the nurses and doctors came running. He got himself breathing again. This happened again four more times in the next hour. It was terrifying, I cannot say how terrifying. My knees literally knocked, my heart was in my mouth the whole time. I was completely full of fear. I am trying to forget the way he looked at that moment and Gaye's face in the following hours and days.

They put him on a drip (Gaye cried as much as he as the cannula went in) and took blood.

We found out from the specialist later that when small babies get this virus their brains can swell and they can forget to breathe.

He came home yesterday after 5 nights in hospital and five days of oxygen and iv fluids so his system was supported while he fought the virus. He is much much better, but still not himself completely, he has a dreadful cough. He has lost some weight and some muscle tone. But he is improving everyday.

I went out and bought one of those hideously expensive baby monitors that monitor the baby breathing, we didn't think we would sleep without it. We also bought another heater (outrageously expensive) as the Dr said we have to keep the house at 21 degrees. My credit card is full to bursting. But right now I would sell anything I have to make sure that doesn't happen again.

Gaye is sick now too, I am still unwell, Thomas has a cough we are all exhausted. But we are home and together and it will all be okay.

Thomas’ latest

We are all not all that well.

Al has his first cold (not a milestone you prefer your baby to meet at 6 weeks), Thomas has is first cough for the season (so I guess that would make it about his 21st or 22nd cold in his life) and I have joined in for good measure, Gaye has her period. How unfair is that – fully breastfed baby at 6 weeks old and getting your period only a couple of weeks after the postnatal bleeding stops.

___________________________________________________________

But while I remember I want to record Thomas’ latest incorrect and correct use of words and terms:

‘In true life' This is used as a question as in ‘is that in true life mum?’ and as a statement ‘in true life he won it’

Perpends which is a mispronunciation of depends but is used in trying to get something done ‘does it perpend mum?’ or ‘ it perpends how I think of it later”

Unlikely “I might be the tallest man in the world when I grow up Mum don’t you think?” “hmmm I doubt it darling” “I am already as tall as eleven Mum, its unlikely but I could be in the Guinness book of records for being the tallest, its unlikely but I could”

Hairstory

This is a very important post. I can't decide if I should get my hair cut or not and I need help.

There is history (hairstory?) so let me fill you in before you help me make this decision.

For most of my life I have had short hair, the last time I had really long hair was when I was 21 and it was very long and the natural curl in it was - um - 'enhanced' by a perm. Sometime after 21 and before 22 I cut it short. It has been short all of the time since then. Sometimes down to my ears but mainly very very short.

Gaye also has very very short hair and did when I met her. And although this shouldn't concern me a bit that we have similar (they aren't the same but people do tend to lump short hair cuts in together) hair but on some level it does. The lesbian urge to merge thing I think.

Still it wasn't enough to inspire me to do anything with my hair until about a year ago when I suddenly thought - I am thirty-seven if I don't grow my hair one more time before I get grey and one of those funky short grey haircuts are the go I will regret it. So I started growing it. Plus someone in my street confused Gaye and I and I thought I want to make a distinction. OK plus Alice on the L Word was wearing pigtails and I thought I want some of those!

I decided not to be to tough on myself and so had plenty of haircuts along the way trying to avoid as much as possible the difficult bits, but it was still pretty trying. Anyway it is long now. And although I have been saying this for about six months and it hasn't actually been true, it is now true that I have hair that people would describe as long. As in 'she is the one with long red curly hair.'

Here is the thing thou:

1. I am actually not sure that it suits me long
2. I don't know how to 'do' things with long hair and feel self conscious when I do things like pigtails
3. I am not feeling all that good about myself (hence returning somewhat to WW recently - gawd now I have put that on the blog I will actually have to keep going) and wonder is it because my hair doesn't feel like me.
4. The upkeep is much more intense than short hair, well actually I do the same as I did (shower, towel dry, product, out the door) but the consistency of results are not the same!
   

So a couple of weeks ago I made an appointment to have it cut off. It is next week.

But now I am thinking maybe I should live with it a bit longer, (lose weight and then do it?) cause suddenly it isn't looking or feeling so bad.

What to do internets? What to do?

he

• has put on something like 1.5 kilos since birth
• is smiling regularly
• is holding his head well
• is confusing night and day sometimes taking his longest sleeps during the day
• still pooing and weeing like a trouper keeping the the washing machine going constantly
  
• has dreadful hormonal rash and crusty bits on his head that require regular attention
• has made such a place in our hearts and our family that at 5 weeks I can't remember for the life of me what our lives were like before he came
  

'Hold breath'

Thomas is a doting and kind brother. He is patient with him. And ready and willing to be of assistance with settling and bathing. He tells Al all the time that he is beautiful and not to cry. He gives him a snuggle regularly. He kisses him on the head to say good night. His interactions with Al regularly bring tears to my eyes. Al has smiled at Gaye lots and at me a few times, but his biggest and longest grins are reserved for Thomas. I am so glad Thomas has a sibling at last.

Thomas has also shown considerable care for his puppy - regularly commenting that "we need to make sure that Lightning knows we still love him even thou we are paying a lot of attention of the baby" and making sure to give the dog a pat after he has had a nurse of the baby.

He is also says very funny things at times.

Some of Thomas' comments on his brother:

• when Al had the hiccups one morning ' why doesn't he just hold his breath Gaye' 'he doesn't know how to do it darling' ' you should tell him to hold his breath' 'He wouldn't understand darling' 'oh yeah ...we would have to make it simple' thinks a moment turns to Al and says very slowly and clearly 'Hold ... breath ... Al"
• watching Al feed 'hey Gaye, don't you think it is funny that Al gets his milk from your privates?' "not really darling, all babies do, animals do too you know' he raises his eyebrows, face full of disbelief 'yeah right Gaye'
• on our way to a special assesembly at school 'Mum is Gaye coming today?" 'No darling she is having lunch in town today' ' Well what about Al' "No he is going with Gaye" "I hope he doesn't feel like he has missed out!"

Things in the last month

that have been weird for me are -

• the constant coming out when telling people at work and the like why you have been off work. I am patient! I pause to give them a moment to work it out after I say my partner has had a baby!
  
• turning up a school with Al to pick up/drop off Thomas and have people exclaim 'I didn't even notice you were pregnant' which made me realise that Thomas' 'interesting' family wasn't actually as part of the school gossip as I presumed
• people's reactions when Thomas tells them he is a big brother. A few have tried to argue him out of it, lucky he is 8 and very sure of the way of the world through his eyes

that have been 'annoying'

• the difficulty in finding a church in the local area that would baptise Al (because his parents are in a same-sex relationship). We live in a very diverse area with a large gay and lesbian community, but apparently the churches have not caught up/adapted. Gaye really wants to have him baptised and I have been determined to find a place for it happen, but it has been a more challenging process that I expected. I walked past one of the local churches the other morning with Thomas, Lightning and Al and saw the rector. It was all I could do not to walk up and introduce myself and the boys and say 'he is the one you said was not welcome at your church on the phone the other day' but in the interests of peace, goodwill and Thomas sense of his family I resisted. It was close thou.
• the number of women (mothers) who have told me how lucky Gaye is to have me to 'help' her. 1. She would be fabulous no matter who she was with 2. I am actually not breast feeding and so there is no reason a bloke can't do what I do 3. Aren't I meant to be parenting?
  
• the number of women (mothers) who have asked me if it is different to when I had Thomas (well duh!)

i had forgotten about small babies

• the washing! It isn't the load of nappies each day (although many people can not believe we are using cloth and ask about the washing of them) it is all the other stuff that just seems to get completely filthy - wraps, little suits, my clothes, Gaye's clothes, Thomas' clothes (well okay mine and Thomas were anyway), sheets - his and his and ours it just goes on and on.
• the way people come to 'visit' and sit and stay and eat biscuits and drink cups of tea that I make
• the amount of time that can be spent cooing, gooing and gaahing over your beautiful baby and 'gawd where has the day gone'
  

Press the pause button

Tomorrow Al is one month old. Gaye said the other night that she would just like to push the pause button and enjoy this bit a bit longer, which is how I have felt at every stage of Thomas' life, enjoying the current and his learning and growing, looking forward to the next bit but also sad to see each stage pass. It is the real wonder of being a parent I think.

He is completely lovely and we have had a terrific and joyful month full of family and friends and 'just us' time. He sleeps pretty well, has unsettled times and settled times. Likes his bath and to fall asleep on a chest. Gaye has been terrific and probably the calmest mother I have ever known, taking each challenge in her stride and enjoying her time with him.

I continue to be amazed at him. Babies are amazing of course and I knew I would love him because, if nothing else I love his mother so. But I am thrilled by and in wonder of how much he has taken my heart and how I can't imagine what life was already without him. It is very hard to leave for work in the mornings.

Thomas has taken to Al with a calm and considered passion that brings a tear both Gaye and I regularly. Climbing into bed each morning to give 'my brother' a snuggle and giving Al a small kiss as he snoozes in the pram each time he passes. Thomas has accepted all accolades for himself as big brother as his due but also allowed full and appropriate attention on Samuel. He is a kind and loving little boy. I am so proud of him.

Al has been to school for 'news' and to watch Thomas play soccer, he has had Grandparents, Uncles and Aunties to visit and this week caught a plane to see his Uncle and cousin in northern NSW.

We just love him

He is here!

Our lovely boy has arrived - last Friday, and he is home today.

There are 100 stories to tell already. Backwards from today they include:

• the welcome he got when he came home today from my nephew, niece and Thomas
• Gaye's parents sprint back across two states when they had only just left the day before
• Her father's joyful tears at his name
• Gaye's amazing calm spirit as she manages to breast feed and recover from a c-section
• Thomas' joy and gentleness - we could not be more proud of how he has responded to our new arrival.
• His actual birth and the lead up to it

But the biggest and longest story is going to be the one about how he won and kept our hearts - that will be never ending.

But right now - this minute - I must not spend time on the computer as I have a mother and baby to worship

just to clarify

Thomas has somethings he has said that I want to remember

• 'it's not for talking is it mum?' is his way of confirming that a decision has been made (it is because I say 'we will have to talk about it' as a delay or you know so I can talk about something with Gaye first)

• when we first got Lightning (his puppy) I dutifully cooked up rice and organic meat for him one night. Lightning wasn't that jazzed (the rice was a bit sticky) and Thomas was very certain that Lightning just wasn't going to be the sort of dog who liked 'scraps' I said 'they are hardly scraps darling, I cooked them up for him and used lovely organic products' he said 'well mum what can I say, just for this conversation lets call them scraps'
• this week was a cracker. This week we were all sitting around the table and I made some comment about the baby coming and he said. "Mum, this baby is my brother, Gaye is this babies mummy. you aren't Mum, you are my Mum, you can be in the babies family and you can help teach Gaye to be a mummy, but you are not the babies Mummy!
  

chocolate and go-carts

Easter summed up

• We spent Easter in Canberra with my family.
• Gaye made hot-cross buns on Easter morning in my mothers kitchen and we ate them hot out of the oven for breakfast.
• We spent afternoons in the park out the front of my parents place with the kids riding bikes and the go-cart my Dad made them some months ago.
• Thomas wrote the Easter bunny a note 'Dear Easter Rabbit, please can I have a carmel egg and a wizard wand. Please make it a real wand. Or can I have a bunny, if you think I can't get the bunny home just leave it at my house, I love you"
• When the kids woke up on Easter morning they were looking at their eggs, my brother (father of Ann (9) and Denis (5) said to them 'what are you doing?' "looking at our eggs" 'this is the only day of the year you can eat chocolate for breakfast get in to it'
• Autum has started and we wore trackpants (him) and long wollen jumpers (us) in the evenings.

we are in...

Well we are in… the last box has been unpacked.

Well sort of…there is a lovely pile of things in the ‘second (babies) bedroom to into the cupboard there, the roof storage is full to the brim with the most useful things at the back and the shed looks like a bomb has hit it BUT we have ebayed, garaged saled and second hand book sold all of our extra stuff. Now we just need to find a place for the current things.

It was not without its drama – the builders have been sloppy with the finishing and so we are in constant conversation with them about when they are coming back to finish, the DA didn’t get through in time for the deck to be built so young Olive-on-the- way will need to hold himself in so we can get it built by my brother on his due date, and Gaye’s brother may as well move in given the amount of painting that needs to be done (how lucky are we to have a deck builder and a painter in the family!). But we are in. And it is lovely.

Gaye started her maternity leave last week (thou she is back in today and tomorrow) but has yet to have had the luxury of a mid day sleep there has been so much to do.

I spent yesterday re-sorting out Thomas’ room and he and I are both happy with it now. He chose the room at the end of the house and it has been quite hard for both he and I to adjust to the shift of him three rooms away. But it looks lovely now. And now the second bedroom (which is next to us) is set up he can sleep there when he wants to.

Even more lovely my sister retrieved his cot from a friend of hers who has had it the last four years or so and we put in up in the bedroom last night. It was pretty surreal to see it again and assemble but I loved waking up with it in our room this morning.

I am a happy parent having lovely beds for both our boys. (OK I admit I am one of those parents who is very happy when they eat their dinner or have snugly pj’s on too).

On Saturday night we took ourselves off to a picnic with pals to celebrate Earth Hour. I am not sure what we were expecting but it didn’t actually go that dark as we looked out on the city. I mean it was darker but not really dark. But a fine time was had by all – largely because it was night and we were eating picnic on a hill to roll down, over and over and over.

last night

It is the last night in our old house tonight. This is significant for me because when I bought that house after my previous relationship broke down it was a huge step forward in accepting a new future. When Gaye moved in with Thomas and I it became our house and it is the place where we have carved out our family. Thomas had his first day of school from that house, Gaye has done most of her pregnancy in that house, we have had birthday’s Christmas’, weekend breakfasts, friends for dinner, parties, sick days and all sorts of everyday at that house. It has been my safety net and although I am really excited about the move, both Thomas and I are feeling the move away from the street and friends we have made and the place that was ours together.

It is kind of run down now (it was bought as a do-it-upper), and my sister, Aunty Lou is moving in and we are going to fix it up together.

Our new house is looking good – thou there is lots still to do (which includes my brother coming up to build the deck on the day that Gaye is due, bringing with him my niece and nephew who will be in on school holidays as will Thomas, and a bathroom vanity which turned up yesterday 20cm too wide and so unable to fit in the spot and about 100 other things) but it is looking good, there is more space and we can settle in with Thomas before the baby comes. We can get ready for this baby, who now finally seems really likely!

Tonight we are having friends for pizza among the boxes and tomorrow we move – hopefully taking our old friends with us and being open to all that is to come.

Not to worry

I have just driven the (very nice) plumber who was installing our loo to the emergency room. He has cut his hand quite badly.

This hasn’t even thrown me a bit despite or perhaps because today also includes a sick child, no leave/goodwill left at work to comfortably stay home and look after him, the project manager making Gaye cry this morning and that I was rear ended on my way to work.

Gaye’s bleed from a couple of weeks ago turns out to be a tear in the placenta – which we have to ‘be careful’ about. I’m unsure of what that means but we are trying to make sure she gets lots of rest and takes it easy. Olive-on-the-way does not seem to be in any strife, growing at a great pace and sounding very healthy on the monitor.

She is getting pretty big now and very tired. And it has been incredibly hot and humid here when it hasn’t been thundering, so her feet and hands are very swollen and sore. Her blood pressure is good thou and I think she looks just beautiful, but she is very fragile and teary. This is not at all like her and so she is home in bed with Thomas this afternoon watching dvd’s.

Did I mention that Gaye’s brother and father have spent the weekend painting at our place (her brother does it for a living) which they kindly offered to do after the project manager admitted that he has in fact spent much much more money than anticipated and so we have none left for painting or deck building (which thankfully my brother does for a living).

We have had to call in all favours from family and bring them from three different states across the country to get the work done. We will now move into a rather less finished house. We have been yelled at and hung-up on by the project manager who used to be our friend. I have taken over all communication with him to keep gaye out of it and so we can get the job over and I went where angels fear to tread this morning and rang his wife and said this can’t go on. She must have talked to him as he is all sweetness this afternoon.

You can understand why on Friday I cried about some dumb issue with the soccer team!

Today however I am taking it in my stride, not even thinking about the fact that I have let down work again, smiling at the bloke who ran into the back of me and saying ‘not to worry’ and running out of a meeting to take the plumber to the ER. There is just so much on that today you couldn’t phase me if you tried

The water catcher

The thing I love most about having an eight year old is the talks we have. I love that he stills hops into bed for a snuggle (I feel like I am on the count down there) and in lots of ways he is still such a little fella, but I reckon we have many a fabulous conversation ahead of us him and I.

This morning for example.

We have a bit of problem here in Sydney with water - as in there is not enough in the damn dam.

This issue is talked about obsessively but media and friends alike and so Thomas has a pretty good idea of the need to save and conserve water. I have tried to demonstrate proactively - we are putting in water tanks as part of our renovation, which will feed the loo and the washing machine, and we try to keep our baths (loved by Gaye and Thomas) and showers (loved by moi) to a respectable length.

It rained here a couple of weeks ago and there was much celebration as some of it actually fell into the catchment – a feat not seen for some years.

Thomas has been full of plans to collect water – lots of trucks following the clouds was the most recent.

So this morning as we drive to school, dropping Gaye off at the train and she (as she is working on election issues) was listening intently to the news on the radio. Once she got out he started chatting to me about the book he was reading and how much he was enjoying it – he offered to lend it to me when he was finished with it.

Then he asked, “So Mum did the catcher get it?”
“Sorry darling?”
“The rain last night, did the catcher get it?”
“Did it go into the catchment? Yes darling I think some of it did.”
“Why doesn’t it all go into the catcher?”
“Well the catchment is the area around the river that leads to the dam”
“Why do we want it in a river?”
“That is where it goes into the river and then into the dam and then into pipes and to us”
“Over one of the fountains?”
‘A waterfall? Yes the dam is made of concrete and steel and then the water goes over the dam in a bit waterfall”
“Is it working now”?
“Yes it works but there isn’t enough water.”
“Is this something I need to be worried about Mum? Cause we would die if there was no water.”
(Reassuring conversation about no need to worry and here is a few things we can do)
“I just don’t understand Mum, why don’t they get a wizard to help out with a spell for the water”

OR

“Mum does the government have a bank account”
“mmmm many”
“Does John Howard only have the pin number?”


OR

“Where do poos go?”
(Discussion about sewerage treatment including mention of chemicals)
“Oh so poos are good cause they put a potion in and then they make water and soil”

steel shopping

Can I just say that I have got 3 replies back today after faxing 5 companies yesterday for quotes for my stainless steel benchtop for our new kitchen (yes I know they are expensive and I know the scratch but basically life is about scratching AND I have given up lots of things I really really wanted in renovating this kitchen and I am NOT giving this up) and the prices vary by more than $3,000.00. That is $3,000.00. At the bottom $2,700 and at the top $5,900.

Only one month now until we move in. The movers are booked, the boxes are coming.

Just a quick trip to the hospital

Gaye has spent a good part of the last two and half days in hospital. She woke up during the night with some bleeding so we went to hospital on Tuesday morning at the direction of the birth centre midwife. They have done every test under the sun and it seems as if the baby is doing just fine, he is in there safe and sound, good heartbeat and his ultra sound looked normal. All the dreadful things they listed as possible reasons for bleeding did not prove to be true on testing - but they haven't actually worked out what it is that made her bleed.

So they have sent her home, which is good because we missed her and who rests in hospital anyway, but still at home resting today. The doctor was stern and firm with her about taking things easy (which I have to say she had been anyway) and coming back in should the bleeding start again but otherwise thinking that it is okay.

We are talking very sensibly to each other about how it is all going to be okay - but I admit to an ongoing worried feeling that has me ringing home often to see how she is.

He is eight

I can't believe it. This time eight years ago I was moving from the birthing room to my room in the hospital amazed and stunned at him and myself.

Today I still look at him with amazement, he rode his new bike (a big boys bike with 21 gears and only handle breaks and big big wheels) with confidence, ordered his own breakfast at the cafe without any prompting, carried his cupcakes to share with his class in by himself and read all the cards attached to presents without any assistance. I am so proud of him sometimes I could burst.

Tonight Gaye is cooking pizza and I have made an orange cake, Aunty Sal is coming and we will have a small family celebration. On Saturday a party for 20 at the local bike path with friends, family, hot dogs and more cake.

Happy Birthday my darling darling boy

I haven’t blogged for awhile – I don’t know why – it isn’t like nothing is happening it all is...

Baby making
Gaye has only 11 weeks to go. Which seems amazing, it starts out feeling like nine months will stretch forever and then suddenly you are on the down ward run. She looks fabulous and all baby (she has such a classic pregnant tear drop belly). We are excited and starting to believe it just might be true.

Having lots of dilemmas about birthing partners or not and generally enjoying the last part of the ride.

Thomas
Has started back at school this week. He is taking being the top of the school very very seriously, and was concerned to invite even the boy who didn’t invite him to his party last year to Thomas’ this year – because ‘I don’t want him to feel like I did.’ He is looking forward to being a sports monitor and so far likes his teacher thou nothing is in stone as yet.

Renovating
Thomas and I went to the coast for a week (with Gaye, my sister and sister in law joining us on the weekend) camping during the last part of the holidays with my parents, brother and his children. The kids rode bikes, swam, played in tents, got filthy and generally had a fabulous time and there were plenty of opportunities for the adults to engage in like activities or read a book too. Thomas went from there for another week at the coast with his Granny, which involved fishing, boating and playing quite a lot of cricket.

When I came home I dropped into the house to see how it was all going and there was basically nothing there, the walls, ceilings and outside cladding were all gone. Although in theory I knew this would be the case – I was still stunned to see the actual thing. It seemed like our moving date of the 17 March was an impossibility and our budget was probably blown!

Today however it all looks much better, the walls are rejibed, the outside cladding to go up this weekend along with the plastering and so it feels like it all might actually come together.

Lightning
Is beautiful and cute and running our life basically. If only he would take me seriously when I tell him that pooing is an outside activity!

Summer at last

Finally we have found summer in our household. Thomas is well again after 3 weeks of illness and we are spending our evenings in the front yard with him and Lightning, the sun goes down slowly this time of year and our evenings are a blissful event of a glass of red for me or soda in Gaye's case on grass that is amazingly green after all this much needed rain and a small boy bathed and pj'd playing with his puppy.

I am planning on making the most of this summer, and really trying to hold on to that feeling of things moving more slowly living in the moment a bit more (one of my New Year Resolutions)

Last night we went to watch Sydney FC do their thing. They lost against NZ, but Thomas is again inspired to become a famous soccer player and so spent this morning taking paint of my wall in the front yard with repetative kicking of the ball against it. He has promised me and Gaye tickets to all of his games wherever they are in the world. We have agreed we will be there.

We have made our annual plan with 5 points each. Here are mine:

1. Get fitter
2. Remain (become?) Zen like in the face of rennovations and moving
   
3. Learn to sing
4. Be the best mum and partner I can be
   
5. Try and live in the moment more and let the little things slide.
   

Thomas's are to learn golf and teach his puppy tricks. I will leave Gaye to tell you hers.

“It is like a dream Mummy”

Last night when I tucked up Thomas in bed, he snuggled into me and told me that the whole day felt like ‘it is like a dream Mummy.’ How about that for a good start to the New Year! The reason for his enthusiasm? A 20 cm ball of black poodle fluff he has called Lightning. Joy, bliss and excitement as those two alternatively played and snuggled yesterday and this morning.

It has made the complete roller coaster of late night visits to hospitals, difficult situations with family, tantruming ex-partners and demanding visitors that was the 10 days around Christmas and New Years fade into a memory (that makes a pretty good story!).

Happy New Year my darling daring boy!

Christmas chaos

Truly the week has been pretty shocking so far... Thomas has got some dreadful virus and been up at 39 or 40 degrees for most of the week. He has settled into a bad cough now and is at home with his Dad today. Gaye dropped a tin of paint in the driveway of a pub (after just buying it) and the guy came out and took photos of the number-plate and threatened to call the police, which left her in tears and sobbing (she is SOOO pregnant) before a big meeting.

The bank have valued the new house at a very low price after the renovations (I’d like to see them buy a three bedroom home at that price in that area!) which means we have to scale back the job so we don’t end up paying mortgage insurance (this is probably a good thing as it means a smaller mortgage while Gaye is off work so we are okay with it, but Gaye just wanted to have it all done and off her plate). We will be able to have the house re-valued post renovation and then get the extra money anyway... But will leave it now until Gaye is back at work.

I brought the dishwasher from the new place around to our current place to have it installed (and paid $145.00 for the plumbing) only to find it won’t fit in – seriously I sat down on the kitchen floor and would have cried had it not been so ridiculous.

Gaye's dad decided to come up this weekend to do a bit of painting on the new house. We were thrilled that he wanted to paint… we just wouldn’t have chosen this exact week. He has done A LOT of talking (and swearing much to Thomas’ initial shock followed by fits of uncontrolled giggling each time it happened) and not all that much painting. But I think he has really enjoyed being up here He hasn’t done the only bit we really wanted to be done – but is planning to come up in January to finish up the job.

In amongst it all we have managed to keep up our Advent activities going (thou we gave the Carols a miss on Saturday night due to the temps) and Thomas and I have cooked shortbread, home made our Christmas crackers and told plenty of Christmas jokes.

Our Christmas Letter

Gaye has always been a big one for the Christmas letter. I have always avoided it. This year we did one together. Here is 'tis without the photos ....

Hello

We have had a really busy happy year, with lots change and more to come in the next year.

After 10 months of looking we have finally found our new home. Recognising how bad the average renovators taste is (or maybe they have the good taste?) we stopped looking for a completely renovated place and bought our own renovators delight. We are currently in the process of designing and understanding (well trying to) builders quotes, kitchen designers, distinguishing between different white tiles and the intricacy of recycled water. The house is in a great street, close to everything that is vital to our day-to-day lives and we are really looking forward to moving and having more space in late March next year.

Clare is no longer preventing violence against women, but has moved to greener and somewhat saner pastures at the University. It is a new position with lots of autonomy and so she is enjoying moulding into something good and working out the idiosyncrasies of campus bureaucracy. It seems a bit like a fiefdom at this point, with separate entrances for staff and dignitaries at the recent Vice Chancellors Christmas do!

Gaye has continued to thrive on the thrills and spills of her role and is looking forward to having this particular view of the election process in March.

Not only did Thomas continue do very well at soccer this year, scoring lots of goals complete with the essential victory lap with his shirt over his head, Clare became an honest to goodness soccer-mum taking on the very important role of team manager. We all got very involved in the Socceroos World Cup crusade, including decorating the house in green and gold streamers and waking up in the middle of the night to watch the games, dressed up in appropriate fan gear, each with a set of red and yellow cards in hand to aid our cheering and jeering.

Now that the soccer season is over Thomas has moved on to circus classes somewhat inspired by our trip to Cirque de Soleil. This event has since been surpassed by Aunty Louise taking him and his cousin to see Kylie M***’s recent Homecoming Tour. That this was his first pop-concert was somewhat mitigated by the fact that he had afternoon sleep so he would last the distance. Gaye and Clare had a taste of things to come sitting outside Homebush stadium at close to midnight to pick them up.

He has continued to enjoy XXXXXXXX School and gained his learning medal this year. For the uninitiated this means the culmination of nine red awards and three blue awards - a combination of academic achievement, effort and good citizenship. His most amusing perhaps includes an award for ‘trying to solve his problems peacefully” He is very much looking forward to being the top of the school next year in year 2.

Gaye visited Tiwi again this year and enjoyed the cultural and sporting experience – coming home with five lovely pieces of art – three of which were from the disability workshop. It was great for her to catch up with friends in Darwin and to visit some of her former haunts. She continued her obsession with a lovely painting from a Far North Queensland artist at the University of NSW Art Show where proceeds support Aboriginal health and allied health students. Thomas, who now has a keen eye for Aboriginal art, actually picked it from the collection.

Thomas and Clare started the year with a trip to Heron Island where he learned to snorkel and she learnt all about the day spa. Later in the year we all travelled across to Western Australia for a couple of weeks campervanning up the west coast. The best day started at 4 am (we were sill on Sydney time) with a dawn visit in our PJs to the spectacular Pinnacles followed by warm porridge and swimming in our undies at Hangover Bay. Western Australia really is quite beautiful and very different from our coast. We had five lovely days at Monkey Mia where Thomas got to feed the dolphins and we were able to see and survive lots of different sea creatures – even stingrays! (NB this was around the time of ‘our Steve’s” sad passing)

Gaye is really enjoying her pregnancy – she has popped out and is looking gorgeous. Thomas is full of good advice informing Gaye that she would be best not to stand on her head right now (which she is of-course known for doing) as it might come out her nose, and assuring us that ‘we will all get a bit of a break when the baby is sleeping.”

The year as always has been punctuated with visits to and from family and friends. Gaye’s nephew Lee graduated from year 12 this year, and Gaye attended the swanky event to celebrate with him and extended family. Clare’s folks have made the most of their retirement visiting regularly for school concerts, grandparent days and sausage sizzles. Gaye was very proud to become El’s godmother this year (Thomas is sure he is her god relation as a result), she even wore angel wings to the celebration lunch. We have a lovely time ahead with our annual pudding-stirring visit to Clare's family and a Boxing Day lunch with Gaye’s folks and a camping holiday planned for January.

We wish you a very Merry Christmas and a peaceful and happy 2007.

Gaye, Clare and Thomas

Christmas is coming ...

Thomas has enjoyed Christmas for the last few years, but this year you can already tell it is going to be big. (And from the amount of questioning about the big red man, the last year Santa will really be believed in). We decorated the Christmas tree on the weekend, which is always joyful and was especially so this year. He was much into the filming of Gaye's belly and talking about a baby being in there.

He came to work with me on Monday afternoon after a trip to the dentist and spent the best part of 3 hours making Christmas decorations and covering my desk in glitter. He has a Christmas ideas book and is keen to make as many things as possible in the lead up to Christmas. We already have many traditions - stirring the pudding as a family with my Mum and making shortbread in the shape of trees.

This year we are going to add to the list by taking a combination of a friends Danish tradition of an Advent bowl (where each day to Christmas is counted down with a small present or chocolate and Loobylou's idea of a family events advent calendar. So a box of cards with family activities for each day and a small choccy. They will go from very Christmassy (like make our Christmas Crackers and take a walk to look at the lights) to just family fun (like dance like crazy and have a family race up the street).

He can't wait... I can't wait!!!!

Don't stand on your head or ...

A teddy bear from KM has replaced the ultrasound photo that was going to be his ‘news’ today.

Yes, we finally told him about the baby.

I will admit I was a bit concerned about what his reaction would be but we couldn’t have hoped for better. We waited until Friday morning when he came and hopped into bed for his snuggle.

When Gaye told him she had been to the dr and got a baby in her tummy he looked a bit shocked, but she followed it up with a comment about how fat she was going to get and how she wouldn’t be able to reach her shoes. He was completely taken with that and it all got pretty hilarious with his comments about not standing on her head or the baby would come out her nose. He is completely taken with the thought of the new gender balance in our household (he includes the dog – and yes we found out but I can’t tell you as that is Thomas secret to tell not mine!) and the idea that we might swap the s*x of the puppy was suggested but was hotly counted by him.

He was very interested to see the ultrasound shots, asked questions about what the baby was eating (including a comment about the baby not feeling like avocado so it would wait in Gaye’s tummy until it wanted it) and how did it actually get the food. We looked at pregnancy books and video footage of him as a baby.

We had decided to let him come up with the terms he would use to describe his relationship with the baby and support him in that ('in my family', 'brother or sister' etc) as he is going through a bit of a definite stage so we don’t want to back him into a corner and end up fighting about something that we are pretty sure will resolve itself once the actual baby is born.

He woke up pretty grumpy with Gaye the next morning. And after circus classes he had to spend an hour with her while I went for a massage. He was not impressed. Informing me that he ‘really didn’t like to be left with Gaye that much' (all evidence to the contrary up until this point). He didn’t want to do anything she needed to do and Gaye admitted to me that she was psyching herself up for a bit of a hard hour.

As it turned out they had a lovely hour, rushing around getting treats for the upcoming visit with Ann and buying gifts for Denis her brother who had been left at home with his parents. He was completely angelic apparently and as they were walking around the shops Gaye said they would have seen about 20 pregnant women. He turned to her and said ‘ do you think your tummy is getting bigger yet?' she said ‘hmmm I don’t know darling, what do you think' he had a good look and said “Nahh” (Gaye is 20 weeks on Wednesday, her belly is definitely bigger. We have been wondering how come he has not noticed.)

Apparently, there was someone giving out tastes of some food or another and she said to Thomas. “Would you like to try while your Mummy is shopping?” His answer was ‘No thank you, she is not my Mummy but she does have a baby in her tummy'

It got better still when he and Ann came racing in while we were preparing dinner that night (with my mother, sister and father sitting at the table) and he pointed at Gaye’s belly. ‘in there’ he said. She said “sure Thomas. Aunty Clare, Thomas says he has a brother/sister in Gaye’s tummy” I said “well that is right there is a baby in Gaye’s belly”

(Turn to look at Gaye who has got all teary cause he has used those terms, followed by an overwhelming strong urge to giggle hysterically as I remember that my mother is sitting nearby. She still has not said A THING about the baby)

The next morning he showed Ann an ultrasound photo and again said ‘ see this is my broth/sis ter. (more tears from Gaye and this time me too).

So we are feeling hopeful. We are trying to be very low key about it and I am sure there will be up days and down days. And although I told his teacher this morning so she would be prepared I have told him it is his news to tell at school. Today, the baby has been put firmly in place, as KM concert and going with his cousin was definitely more important!

A big night out

Aunty Louise rang on Friday morning to say she had a plan to take my niece Ann, who lives about three hours drive away to see Kylie M. Ann is completely obsessed with KM, which is pretty funny because she is the non-girly 8 year old I have ever known. But she completely loves KM’s costumes and songs. She can tell you EVERY song on every album and every song KM has sung on every tour. She is obsessed in that way that 8 year olds get.

Thomas really really wants to be obsessed about something. But he just isn’t that type of kid. He really wants to be because lots of his friends are about particular things and he is always planning to collect particular thing or another… and I try and be as supportive as I can … but basically he just isn’t obsessive. He just wants to get to the bit where he has all the knowledge about some item or another but he isn’t actually that interested enough to maintain commitment to it. Not yet anyway. The end result is that he is sure that he really likes KM too (as much as Ann) and so Aunty Louise thought she would take them both.

My folks were coming up this weekend anyway as you might recall, as part of my cunning plan to keep them around after they heard about the baby so things didn’t have time to get uncomfortable. I had bought them tickets to E*ton J*hn. That concert is tonight. So it was organised in a flurry of phone calls to parents and grandparents that Ann should come up and stay with us for two nights and Aunty Louise for two nights and that they would both go to see KM.

Thomas has now been to see his first pop-concert. And he will have to say forever that KM was his first! His Dad is sure this is going to haunt him. I think the fact that he had an arvo sleep first might in fact be the haunting factor. He had a great time, Ann had a fabulous time and I think Aunty Louise had the best time just being with them there and being the Aunty with the mostest. Gaye and I dropped and picked them off from the venue – for not the last time I am sure. It was like a sign of things to come.

And they both had yesterday off from school with my parents visiting the Powerhouse and going on the train. (which I think Thomas was equally impressed with). He is not all that impressed that she is having another day off today while he goes to school but they are meeting up this afternoon for a swim.

They put a show on for us last night. It included Thomas dancing in his undies…

Maybe baby

Gaye had her 18-week scan yesterday and all is well. The baby is growing nicely and all the bits that should be there are. She has gone all vague and forgetful (which is odd from such an astute woman) but really it is all happy. We are having a very happy time.

We will tell Thomas this week, who fortunately seems to be coming around to the conversation about a hypothetical new baby.

This morning went like this:

“Mum, when do you undo your belly button?”
“Never darling, it just stays like that…”
“Don’t you clean it?”
“Only in the bath”
“When we have a new baby you will see it’s belly button being made, it is all red when the baby comes home from hospital.” (note we have changed from using if to when and been very low key this week)
“Will I get to see it in the tummy with a special camera”
(Quick look at Gaye) “Sure and the nurse will let you hold the microphone on the tummy and hear the babies heart beat – they go so fast”
“With one of those ear things?”
“No it is just like a microphone”
“They take a long time to grow don’t they?”
“Yes, quite a long time”

Which is much improved from last week which went like this:…

“Your new place is great you won’t have to drive anywhere” Old and good Friend
“I know, I have never liked driving, I don’t know why, I know some people like it I just don’t”
From Thomas in the back seat
“Just like I don’t like the idea of another baby in the house”
(Raised eyebrows from OGF) “The great thing about being a big brother Thomas is that you get to have the younger ones do things for you.”
“Like what?”
“Well Adelaide still has Poppy do all sorts of things for her, get her yoghurt, get her a drink. And Poppy is 13 now”
“I have got my Mum for that!”
“And they give you presents on your birthday”
“I’ll have to buy them some too. Everyone tells me I want one but I just don’t”

I found his cot blanket last week and he has slept with it on his bed last night. We agreed last night that we should take it down when we go to see Gaye's folks after Christmas so her Mum can make a new baby one too.

We hoping all this preparation will make the actual announcement later this week a bit of a non-event.

how do they get the pip out?

We are driving along in the car, on our way to something or other. Gaye is driving, I am in the passenger seat, Thomas is in the back. We are talking about where we are going and what we are looking forward to about it. Then...

"Hey Mum..."
"Yes darling?"
"You know those men, the ones who help people who don't have pips... how do they get the pip out?"
"Sorry darling?" Confused look from me to Gaye
"You know those men, the nice ones who help the ladies who don't have a Daddy to have a baby - how do they get the pip out?"
"Ohh you mean the seed, when a man donates a seed so someone can have a baby?"
"Yeah, how do they get that pip out of their pe*is"
(At this point I admit I couldn't hold it together, I got all giggly thinking of blokes and p**n in a small room at a clinic. I mean I really do try to be factual and straight forward with him about such things, but I was a bit confronted about this. I am ashamed to say that I fell on the when you grow up sword....)
"Darling it is kind of a grown up thing, the sort of thing that you learn as you grow up."
"Just tell me Mum, I don't care if it is a grown up thing, I want to know the truth"
"It is hard to explain really, you know how you just know how to do a wee? Well you will just know how to do this when you grow up"
"Does it hurt"
"Not even a bit, you just know you want to and so it comes out"
"Really, I get it. So you think about it and make it happen"
(We jumped on that boat let me tell you)
"Yes, that is it completely. When you are grown up your body will tell you how to make it happen and then you will be able to"
"Ahh right I totally get it"

There is quite alot happening

but there are a few things that stand out from the last two weeks or so.

• I got the all clear on my breast
• We bought a house - which needs renovating and so I am interviewing project managers everyday this week. it looks nothing like the houses we have been looking at and it is in a slightly different area to where we have been looking, but we both feel really happy about it.
  
• My Dad was completely gorgeous about the baby and came up to for a long promised visit to Gaye's work this week and it has been comfortable and easy
• My sibilings have left messages for Gaye saying that they are really happy for her and look forward to reprising their roles as Uncle and Aunty.
• My mum has not actually said anything negative (actually not said anything at all) about it and when she was here last week was polite with Gaye.
• Thomas woke us up last week at 5:50am and had a conversation about christainity, evolution and reincarnation. With lots of tied up elements. His funniest comment was probably ‘well he didn’t live long then’ when told JC was born at Christmas and died at Easter. Closely followed by ‘well we were all monkeys and apes before anyway’ when untangling that some people believe that ‘JC rose again” and that some people believe in reincarnation. “Does that mean that I could be a fish and swim by my brother on the shore and say – look there is my brother?”
• Thomas (although he has not been told yet about the baby) has been telling me all the reasons why a baby is a bad idea. His reasons are hilarious.

Telling my mother

For months now I have planned to tell my mother about the baby this weekend. We wanted to wait until we got past 14 weeks and it is after my mother’s birthday tomorrow. You see I know my mother is not going to be happy about the baby. Her basic objection to me being in a same sex relationship is that (apparently apart from basically thinking same sex relationships are immoral) she believes it is not a good environment for children. And she thinks it is bad for Thomas.

Not that long ago I had a good relationship with my mum, but somewhere along the way I suddenly realised that was probably because I hadn’t done anything to challenge her ideas about where and what I would be.

She isn’t a crazy Christian or a mad right-winger. She has been completely cool about meeting, hanging out with my gay and lesbian friends over the years, her and my Dad have a couple of their own who they hang out with. She is pro- land rights, has pro-migration and anti-war type views. I am pretty sure she has voted Green in the last few elections, she has walked to say ‘sorry’ to Aboriginal Australia, she is pro-choice.

When I told her about Gaye (I wrote her a letter which my Dad who is supportive gave to her) she didn’t speak to me for months. It really has taken the best part of two years for us to talk even close to normally and even now although she is perfectly polite to Gaye when she sees her, and we have stayed at her home together, she never actually asks me about Gaye when we talk on the phone or via email. And regularly there is this particular tone in her voice, which I can’t really describe, but it basically it is cold and disapproving. Not that long ago we used to talk 3 or 4 times a week. Not that long ago I felt supported and loved by her.

The onoing problem is despite feeling disappointed and angry with her, I do really love my Mum.

I tried (at my family’s urging) to be patient and understanding, to meet intolerance with tolerance. I continue to try (at Gaye’s urging) what she calls ‘lesbian desensitisation’ which basically involves mentioning Gaye and I as a family as often as possible. (Last we spoke I mentioned how the lady we are buying our house off said she was so happy to sell to such a lovely family for example).

I completely lost the plot about 10 months in and yelled at her for about an hour and half about being a mother who cared more about her ‘values’ than her feelings for me.

Things improved after that (in that she rang the house and started being pleasant to Gaye) and they have gradually got better. But I still morn the loss of my close and supportive relationship with my mum.

What I get out of our contact these days is related more to her relationship with Thomas (which I nurtured at every opportunity before and since) he loves her and she loves him in an open and joyful fashion.

I am so nervous about telling her about the baby. I haven’t told my brother or father either, as I don’t want to repeat the everyone else knowing before her scenario from last time. I am so nervous – cause although I know she won’t be I would love it if she was okay about it – and I am worried she will cut me off again and be cold and horrid.

And now my mother is coming to stay with my sister for a few days next week so there is no avoiding it any longer. It was going to be done this weekend, but now it must be and I feel sick and nervous about it.

I also feel like I want to tell her about the lump in my breast, I want her support but I can’t work out how to do both.

This will be a happy Halloween

There are big debates here on local radio about why Australian's would want to adopt the celebrations attached to Halloween. This is largely because there are many Australian's (myself included) who feel concern at the level of commercialisation.

But not about Halloween. Why? Well because as an event far predates any modern commercialisation of it, people have been celebrating days of the dead and the like for many centuries AND because the kids love it.

What is not to love? You get dressed up, you play with your friends, you get some lollies and you are out at night past bedtime. The last two years we have had Halloween Parties at home. The first party was a modest attempt. It was before Thomas started school and we had the neighbourhood kids and some friends around (about 8 in total) we had a BBQ, we got dressed up, we decorated treat bags and I delivered lollies and chocolates to my neighbours the night before to give to the kids (it is not standard practice here) and we tricked and treated in our street.

Last year Thomas had started school, but as his birthday is in February he had not had a party with school friends, so he was keen to have lots of his friends. We have a very very small house (not for long!) and so we drew the line at 12 kids. Except the night before I heard that 3 kids at school were just devastated and crying because the weren't invited, so after a quick consult with Gaye we rang around and invited those who hadn't been invited.

We ended up with 19 kids. Two of which had not very good manners (but this is not surprising as their parents just dropped them at the gate without coming in to say hello, even thou they had not met us before! We later found out that word had got around that it was a ‘lesso’ family and so no one was a bit worried about their kids – we live in that sort of area!).

It was a fun party, but much much to large for our house. Gaye cooked home made pizza at Thomas’ request. We had lots of games and we decorated our treat bags. I went around to our neighbours again the night before with bags of sweets to give out and asked if it was okay, we sent the kids around in groups of four with a known adult. The gorgeous thing last year was that our street (which is a combination of established Portuguese families, young families, a few lesbian couples and a couple of share houses) really got into it – so that when the kids went to trick and treat people were dressed up as witches and wizards. In the share house the whole household came to the door each time a group of kids came to the house. But Gaye and I were exhausted and horse by the time they all went home that night. Some of the kids behaviour was outrageous and 19 kids was just too many. But two years in a row means a tradition in the life of a seven year old.

This year in some fit of brilliance I suggested to the school p&c that we do it as a fundraiser. So tonight we have 123 children coming to the school hall for a Halloween disco. The local IGA has donated lollies, the local pub has donated sausages, the local veggie shop has donated vegies and sauce and bread, the after-school care coordinator is a theatre/drama person in his other life and has organised a smoke machine and a disco light and is organising games. The kids have made decorations for the school hall during art.

We have raised $700 for the school. See I get to feel really good while actually getting out of something!